Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

In this article, we will answer the following question: Why am I so desperate for a baby? We will give you 3 possible reasons, that most of the time are unconscious. We will also talk about what it means to become a mother and how to prepare yourself for a healthy pregnancy. 

Why am I so desperate for a baby?

There are 3 main reasons why you may be so desperate for a baby, and in this article, we will talk about all three of them.

How many of us have not thought how wonderful it would be to embrace a baby that would resemble us, that would love us, and make us feel important?

It is great to be a mother, but psychologists recommend those who want to give birth to a child to think carefully about the motivation behind this desire.

Most of the time, the desire to become a mother has nothing to do with the pure and pure maternal feeling.

Because behind this desire can be hidden unsatisfied needs or those that can be far from recognized even to oneself, much less to anyone else. Psychotherapists propose to those who want to take such an important step to think about what hidden reasons this desire may generate. And, only after honestly answering this question, to start planning.

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

Here are some hidden reasons why a woman may want to become a mother.

The biological clock

In other words, I’m old and I can’t wait much longer for this event. Is it right to become a mother in these conditions? Maybe yes, maybe no, depending on the couple’s relationship or what they have or don’t have to offer the future baby. 

The expectant mother must consider the stage of the relationship in which she is; if the partner wants the same thing and the financial possibilities to provide the child with a decent upbringing and education.

The fear of not being abandoned

It is an unconscious fear, very difficult to recognize. However, this fear can lead to the situation in which, becoming a mother, you can wake up alone because your partner does not feel ready. You may find yourself unsupported, for the same reason, or divorced because your partner considers that the decision was uninominal. 

So, the partner’s wish must be taken into account and it is important that he is not put in front of the fulfilled fact. Or if it is a task that takes you by surprise, your spouse must also want to keep this task.

The desire to finally have the “perfect knight”

It is the situation in which many women do not feel loved, appreciated or valued in the relationship and decide “unconsciously” that it is time to appear “the knight on a white horse.

And so, they become mothers, thinking that their own child will be the one to offer them, unconditionally, everything they did not receive from their family of origin or from their partner. Because they “did it” and he will give them what they also decide they need and he can give….

A child must be the result of the love of two people, otherwise, it becomes an exercise of the frustration of one of them. And so, probably genetically, children with problems can be born, who do not come to fulfil the love of two people but to solve the frustration of one of them. 

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

What does it mean to be a mother?

Having a child is a responsibility and a commitment, a decision that must be meditated with calm, trust and sincerity. Feeling ready to be a mother is a question that runs through the heads of many women at some point in their lives.

The desire to be a mother, to have and take care of children, reaches almost all women, but the decision depends a lot on the reality and the circumstances of each one of them. Some do not hesitate, they are very clear; Others want it, but feel insecure, unprepared; and others, even if they want it as much as the others, do not find or do not have a place in their life to have a child.

In any case, the decision to become a mother should not become an obsession or a circumstance without consequences.

What is necessary in order to be a mother

To be a mother does not require a degree or experience. Children do not come into the world with an instruction manual under their arms. No one is born prepared to be a mother. However, women who are trying to be prepared to be mothers can count on a lot of information about health, education, pregnancy and childbirth, through books and the media. There are even some schools for parents already.

The experience of each woman, of each mother, is unique, personal, and incomparable. A mother with or without a partner, biological or adoptive, will always be a mother, without differences. The discrepancy will reside in the way of receiving each child, educating them and caring for them.

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

Before being a mother, prepare yourself 

However, there are some factors that women who want to become mothers must consider.

A couple. It is advisable that you have a partner with whom to share the pregnancy, education and care of the baby. It is important for a baby to have a mom and a dad. A single mother can perfectly take care of a baby, but if she has the complicity and companionship of a couple, the better.

Information. It is important to be very well informed about the costs of having a baby. It is recommended that you have something saved so that you can meet the expenses, which skyrocket mainly in the last months of pregnancy, and during the preparation for the arrival of the baby. Pregnancy needs to be financially planned.

Prenatal visits. Health is an aspect to value when you decide to become a mother. Prenatal visits to the gynaecologist will help you learn about your health and correct any deficiencies before you become pregnant. In addition, a good diet reconciled with a healthy life will help you to get pregnant more easily, and also to have a healthier pregnancy and delivery.

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

Emotional moment. It is advisable not to conceive a baby if you are experiencing a moment of tension caused by an illness, or a separation from a partner, or a crisis at work. Some women think that pregnancy can solve some problems, but they are wrong. It would just be an added problem. Stay away from states of tension because they can negatively affect your mood, and can lead to states of anxiety and depression.

Mentalization. Mentalization is necessary to face everything that can happen during a pregnancy. It is necessary to be prepared and use the illusion so that the discomfort of pregnancy does not produce discouragement or complaints. 

Pregnancy is NOT a disease. Seek to keep positive thoughts about pregnancy. Stay away from preconceptions and obsessive complaints. Balance emotions and focus on each moment in a positive way.

Tips. Hearing the experience of other mothers, of grandmothers, for example, is highly recommended. However, remember that each family is different and advice should not always be followed. It is best to let yourself be guided by yourself or by the obstetrician.

Patience. When a woman is convinced that she wants to be a mother, she does not always succeed on the first try. In this case, you should not let insecurity invade you. Be patient. Everything comes when it has to. Never despair.

Clarify your doubts. It is important that you clarify all your doubts about getting pregnant with the doctor. Fertility, age, risks, food, health, etc. Don’t let any issue escape you. This way you will feel safer. If you want to have a child, do not accumulate doubts.

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

FAQ on Why am I so desperate for a baby?

How do I stop obsessing over having a baby?

To stop obsessing over having a baby you have to become realistic about what it really means to be a parent. Make a list of all the positive and less positive aspects of having a baby; think ahead – what will your financial situation be with a baby? Try to understand your need for having a baby. 

Is it normal to suddenly want a baby?

Yes, suddenly wanting a baby is normal and it is called “baby fever” by specialists. It can happen both to men and women – the urge of having a baby.

What hormone makes you want a baby?

The hormone that makes you want a baby is considered to be Oxytocin. This is also called the hormone of love, and it is released during labour and birth. Oxytocin makes us feel good, safe and really happy. 

What is it called when you want to have a baby?

When you have an intense urge of having a baby it is called baby fever. 

What is the prime age to have a baby?

The prime age to have a baby, according to experts, is between your late 20s and early 30s. This age range is associated with the best outcomes for both you and your baby.

Conclusions

In this article, we answered the following question: Why am I so desperate for a baby? We gave you 3 possible reasons, that most of the time are unconscious. We also talked about what it means to become a mother and how to prepare yourself for a healthy pregnancy. 

Most of the time, the desire to become a mother has nothing to do with the pure and pure maternal feeling. Because behind this desire can be hidden unsatisfied needs or those that can be far from recognized even to oneself, much less to anyone else. 

Having a child is a responsibility and a commitment, a decision that must be meditated with calm, trust and sincerity. Feeling ready to be a mother is a question that runs through the heads of many women at some point in their lives.

The desire to be a mother, to have and take care of children, reaches almost all women, but the decision depends a lot on the reality and the circumstances of each one of them. 

If you have any questions or comments on the content, please let us know!

References

Wehavekids.com – When You Want a Baby so Bad It Hurts

Psychologytoday.com – Desperate For a New Baby This New Year? You Are Not Alone

Parents.com – Real Moms Dish on Easy Ways to Get Pregnant Faster

Why am I so desperate for a baby? (top 3 reasons)

Nadejda Romanciuc

Nadejda Romanciuc holds a Bachelor’s degree in psychology and a diploma in Addiction studies. She is part of the Romanian Association of Integrative Psychotherapy as a psychotherapist under supervision. She's practicing online counselling for over two years and is a strong advocate for mental health.