Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)

Never been in a relationship

In this blog post, we discuss the reasons why a person has never been in a relationship, why someone may still be single and what to do about it.

Why you have never been in a relationship

You get home after a tiring day of work: your neck hurts, your shoulders are sagging, your muscles tense, the room is empty, the bed is cold, but a new novel is present from time to time on the nightstand as it helps you escape from reality.

Many times it even manages to make you dream and feel strange feelings and emotions that you do not fully understand.

You still hope … you make a long list in which you put the characteristics of the person you want in your life.

You move around the room, turn on the TV, indulge with food and something sweet, you plan to go to the gym next month, to change something because you feel that things don’t seem to go very well, but you’ve become so accustomed to your comfort zone that you are almost afraid to really live and try to change something. 

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)

The hours go by and sometimes you don’t even fall asleep, but you force yourself to fall asleep because you know that a hard new day is waiting for you at work.

Everything is a routine and you end up liking it, because it’s your routine! 

There are times when you sleep on the weekend for more than half a day and you say it’s normal, you deserve so much sleep because you work hard… but what you don’t want to accept is that you do it without a purpose, without being truly fulfilled and happy. 

Then, even if you are happy, in the few moments of the week, you have no one to share the moments of happiness with anyway.

You end up saying that love isn’t for you, that it’s just a coincidence and only the lucky ones have it, so it’s not worth bothering anymore.

If you are a woman you say: all men are pigs and if you are a man: all women are whores, and so your ego remains intact.

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)

Is this the life you dreamed of when you were a teenager and the first time you started to feel the chills and emotions in your stomach if you liked someone of the opposite sex?

Should these be the right behaviour and attitude through which we hope to attract someone of quality into our lives?

Don’t get me wrong, choosing to live alone all your life or being alone for a while is not a tragedy and it is not the end of the world.

Honestly, instead of being with the wrong person, better alone. 

The problem arises when you start to lie to yourself that you don’t need anyone, that you don’t deserve anyone, that there is no one to like you or worse when you condemn everyone around you and look at them with aversion.

It is not the fact that you are alone that is a problem in itself, but your interpretation of this fact.

But sometimes we get used to loneliness and everyone seems to pay attention to what we consider familiar – in this case, our routine, in which we are alone with ourselves, and then we complain that we feel misunderstood and lonely.

I know it’s not easy, you don’t have anyone and I come and I say it’s all because of you! Immediately a negative feeling is born, this is the first perception/reaction of many anyway.

But perceptions can change. When you start training at the gym, you can’t do certain exercises at first, but that doesn’t mean you’re guilty of anything, it’s just that you’re not trained!

Awareness, knowledge and understanding of things can be turned into happiness! I strongly believe that!

Maybe this guide does not apply in all cases, because each person is a unique being, but nevertheless, sometimes we all run into common problems. 

In love as well as in life, courage is mandatory, so sometimes we simply need someone or something new that does not fit our expectations.

If we do not evolve, we die physically, mentally and spiritually. Even physical disabilities should not be an impediment in finding a good person, as long as we have the right attitude and approach!

If you’re tired of being single, read this.

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)

9 Reasons why you’re still single and what to do about them

  1. I don’t deserve the love of others. This is a common belief learned from unpleasant experiences, and it sabotages our present because we carry suffering from the past into the future. 

When we are children and see our parents fighting, they being the centre of our universe, we come to believe that we are the cause of their quarrels, and as we get older, we form the false opinion that we do not deserve anyone’s love, which it is totally wrong, because our parents’ problems should not have to define our future! 

I wonder, how can we recognize love in others if we do not love ourselves?

Who says we don’t deserve love and happiness?

Who has this right?

If we don’t like ourselves for some reason, does that mean we don’t like others for the same reason?

  1. There is no one good enough for me. This is a form of defence mechanism in which we either defend ourselves or those around us for the two reasons below.

 It is said that those around us are our mirrors and what we do not like about us we see in them (projection).

I think this belief is born for two reasons:

  • we can’t forgive those who hurt us
  • love means to give, and we cannot offer something we do not know or do not have. 

In general, we love what we value about ourselves, but the wisest thing is to admit that each person is different and everyone has something beautiful to offer.

We are not all-sufficient!

  1. My partner must solve my problems. It is not healthy, moral and beneficial to want someone just to solve your frustrations. No one can make us happy and no one should carry this burden. 

Any functional relationship requires work from both parts.

The selfish or lazy quickly comes to understand that they need to change something in their attitude.

We should enter into a (healthy) relationship to offer and to evolve.

It is normal for the partners to help each other, to support and challenge each other, but if you do not have a passion, a goal in life, you do not know what makes you happy, why put all the responsibility on the shoulders of your partner?

And then if it doesn’t suit you, to blame him for not understanding you and not being good at anything?

Problems and quarrels will certainly arise in a relationship, it is important, however, how we and our partner react to them.

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)
  1. You are looking for an “ideal” indoctrinated by your parents, society, and the media. Here I can only be very direct: if you do what society says, you absolve yourself of any guilt or responsibility, but let it be clear that this means that you live a life imposed by others! 

It is just sad that people may live like this and do not have their own opinions, moreover, they are the slaves of a society or family that indirectly says: we only love you if you do that!

In this case, you no longer know what love is and you no longer have any identity.

In life, we ​​will attract the people we resonate with. Society is changing, mentalities are changing.

If we remain their slave, we will surely be forever alone!

  1. You are waiting for the ideal person to find you. If we are locked in our cage where we have the illusion of the comfort of not suffering and not risking making choices and actions, what good thing can happen to us?

Sitting in the house, wasting time and life in vain, without taking care of your body, health and mind, without having a purpose and passions in life, how can you find someone nice?

How many times has someone come knocking on your door and said: I heard you are a very nice person, so look, I choose to fall in love with you, in fact, can we go straight into marriage!?

Sometimes, we have to kiss a lot of frogs until we find the desired prince/princess! Does it make sense to say that there is nothing ideal?

Of course, I have to add here the shyness, or even the preconception that the other person must make the first step.

If you like someone, tell them or show them, life is short! If he/she rejects you, don’t take it personally, move on!

  1. You are okay with anyone. When we do not trust ourselves, we do not know what we want, we give in to the emotions of the moment and then we end up suffering. One thing should be very clear to us, namely that simple chemistry is not love! Nor should the scream of hormones be associated with love.

A true relationship (from my perspective) is based on trust, common interests, acceptance but also a challenge, complementation.

Each brings out the best in the other without reproach and without shame!

It’s the most beautiful when you find someone with whom you feel you can be yourself.

We look for validation all the time and when we don’t receive it we have the impression that our masculinity or femininity is not validated, and in our worst moments, when we are down, we are content with anything.

We take advantage of the other person, then drive them away. How beneficial is it?

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)
  1. Ugly character. Have you noticed that those with an ego as big as a house are the most unhappy and at the same time the most lonely people?

No matter how beautiful you look on the outside (although beauty is relative because it is only in the eyes of the beholder) if you have an unfriendly character and attitude, the world will want to be as far away from you as possible.

If you always aim to gossip, laugh at others, do not respect anyone, do not keep your word, seek to use people, or follow only your petty interests, or if you live with the impression that the world is a bad place, you do not deserve not even anyone’s friendship, let alone someone’s love.

I may have been harsh in the above expression, but I think any character can be shaped.

Some end up hurting out of fear, or because of both inferiority and superiority complexes.

It is known that happiness and professional fulfilment depend on the relationship we have with other people.

Unfortunately, we always pretend, wear masks and get lost behind them without even trying to be ourselves.

We no longer have a sense of integrity and loyalty, not even for ourselves.

Sometimes we generalize believing that all people are the same, and if a former partner made us suffer, we consider that all men/women are the same.

Moreover, we seek revenge instead of seeking forgiveness in order to move forward.

Try saying this instead: I forgive you not because you deserve it, but because I deserve to be happy. 

If we were to do a little exercise and could look at ourselves from the outside, would we like what we see?

Would we like to be with a person like us?

  1. . Love is a myth. There is a big difference between loving and being in love. The problem I see is that many of us remain or rely only on the first phase, namely that “love” from the beginning, which disappears, and after a while what remains is only the character of a man. 

Love is as strong as a drug and has its part in our evolution as human beings, but it is not wise to rely only on these “butterflies in the stomach”, idylls and feelings of the beginning, because they are just emotions that pass. 

We like to feed on illusions, but especially in love, we have to step on the ground, to taste reality.  

Love and affection mean first and foremost devotion.

I wouldn’t call it unconditional, because it can be too much, but one thing is clear: if we only measure every time we give something, it’s not called love.

  1. The five languages ​​of love. It seems that we each have a language of love, and for a relationship to evolve in harmony, we must understand and speak as often as we can, the language of love of our partner. 

The book “The Five Languages ​​of Love” is necessary and must be read by everyone in a relationship (or who wants to be in a relationship).

I say nothing more than that, after reading it, you will understand why quarrels, misunderstandings or separations occur.

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)

Conclusions 

In this blog post, we discussed the reasons why a person has never been in a relationship, why someone may still be single and what to do about it.

The first thing we first must understand is that there is nothing wrong with a person who has never been in a relationship.

The second thing is that there are certain things that must be changed, such as limiting beliefs, that only prevents us from being truly happy.

You can also learn how to react when given backhanded compliments.

If you want to ask any questions or leave comments on the content, you are more than welcomed to do so. 

FAQ about never been in a relationship

Is it bad to never have been in a relationship?

It’s not a bad thing if you never have been in a relationship.

There is no timeline (or deadline) for when someone should be involved in a romantic relationship.

When you’ll be ready, you will meet the right person.

Focus on taking care of yourself in the meantime. 

How do you date someone who has never been in a relationship?

You can date someone who has never been in a relationship just like you would date anyone.

Just be mindful that some things may be new to them, so don’t hurry them into something they are not sure about.

Is it normal to have never been in love?

It is normal to have never been in love but keep in mind that “normal” and “being in love” may mean different things to each one of us.

There is no timeline for when someone should be romantically involved in a relationship.

Falling in love can happen often and easy, but it can also require time, space, boundaries, rules, trust, honesty.

How do you deal with not being in a relationship?

To deal with the fact that you are not in a relationship you must first practice self-love.

If you take care of yourself, you will no longer care about what society says for when it is “OK” to be in a relationship.

By practising self-care you will also know what you like and what you are looking for in a relationship. 

Recommendations

  1. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman
  1. How to find the partner you truly are looking for, by Dushanka Klisic
  1. Law of Attraction for Love: Guided Meditation to Manifest and Attract Your Soul Mate, Have Better Relationships and Find Happiness with a Partner Using Daily Positive Thinking Affirmations, by Joel Thompson 

Never been in a relationship (9 reasons why)

Nadejda Romanciuc

Nadejda Romanciuc holds a Bachelor’s degree in psychology and a diploma in Addiction studies. She is part of the Romanian Association of Integrative Psychotherapy as a psychotherapist under supervision. She's practicing online counselling for over two years and is a strong advocate for mental health.