Coping with Losing a lover (A guide)

In this brief guide, we will discuss ways to cope with losing a lover or having to deal with losing a significant love.

Losing a lover is not the end

Losing a lover can feel like the end of the world, but it can get better, and through patience and trying to focus on yourself you can get better.

Losing a lover to death or dealing with a breakup can seem like the end of the world, and your heart may be broken, but through determination and following simple steps towards being better you can move on, and maybe even find new love, eventually.

Love can be a double-edged sword, sometimes, and while being in love can feel great, losing a lover can break your heart and make you feel lost.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, however.

If you are dealing with losing a lover

If you are dealing with losing a lover, it is important that you give yourself enough time to grieve, because until you have gone through the normal grief process, you will not start to get better.

Many people try to rush the process of moving on after losing a lover, but this is not beneficial in the long run, and suppressing feelings like that will just make them come up in rough ways at a later point.

It can seem very hard to cope with it, it may be the hardest thing a person will ever have to do is to mourn the loss of a lover that you have lost to death or with whom you have broken up.

If you are losing a lover to a breakup

If you are losing a lover to a breakup, you can try a few things to feel better, and deal with losing your lover.

·       Remember when they were not in your life, you still lived and were happy, so you can go back to that happiness again.

·       Do not feel guilty about wanting to move on.

·       Stop expecting them to come back or trying to get back together. Once a relationship is over there is only moving on to be done.

·       Try to return their things and get away from material things that may constantly remind you of them, at least initially. Eventually, you will need to find a way to be okay with their presence but there is nothing wrong with some initial detox.

·       Travel to someplace to clear your mind

·       Hang out with your friends, talking to them will remind you that you have not lost all the love in your life and that there are still people who care about you.

·       Start a new project that keeps you busy.

·       Try to avoid talking to them or wallowing in self-pity about losing your love, try to surround yourself with happy thoughts.

Coping with Losing a lover (A guide)

Losing a lover to death

Losing your lover to death is one of the hardest things but to deal with it you need to be immensely patient, and while you are trying to cope, talking about them can help.

People tend to stop talking about their lover after losing them to death, thinking that such a thing will be painful, but cutting the memory out completely is not a healthy way of dealing with it.

You need to honor their memory and talk about them, tell funny stories, and remember their best moments, this is necessary for you to get over their death and make your peace with their absence.

Here are some things you can try when you are coping with losing a lover to death.

·       Take time to heal, don’t rush the process. Patience is key in this case. It might take you longer than some people to “get over it,” but you need to do it if it is right for you.

·       Honor your lost lover. Reminisce, take on projects they liked, and try to feel close to them, think about the love you shared. This is the best way to move on and get used to them being gone without forgetting them.

·       Eat things they loved and you shared with them. Food can bring people closer all the time.

·       In the beginning, it is okay to isolate yourself.

·       Travel, see new things, or even just explore new places in your city

·       Do not indulge in destructive behaviors like substance use.

·       Stay as active as possible.

·       Find a new thing to do, a new hobby, project, anything you are interested in will do.

·       Comfort yourself by doing relaxing things like getting a massage or treating yourself in some other way.

·       Be with people, try to not be too alone after the initial mourning period.

When your love does not love you back

When your love does not love you back it can be more devastating than losing a lover you had, sometimes, in this case, you need to find a way to be okay with it, and grateful that they did not string you along and fool you.

This is something that happens to everyone at some point, the feeling that you are losing a lover when your feelings are not reciprocated.

It may be that a relationship never existed, or it may be that your relationship is breaking because your lover doesn’t love you back anymore.

You might want an explanation and some closure, so it may be unfair of you to put them through the painful process of having to explain why they do not have feelings for you.

On other occasions, losing love may be painful, but it is best if the truth is avoided because it may simply be too harsh, and make you feel worse about the loss of love.

It does not matter what the reason behind losing your love is, because by the time someone has decided to end a relationship or has rejected you, they’re usually committed to that decision, and nothing you do or says will change their mind.

It may also be good to remember that losing a lover may cause you to be a little dramatic and obsessive, and you may put the other person through a lot of sadness and misery if you pester them for second chances and explanations constantly.

What to do when someone does not love you back

When someone does not love you, try to accept their decision and move on with your life. If they did not love you, then they obviously were not meant for you, which means that you still have not really found the love of your life.

Yes, losing a lover is harsh and painful and can make you feel like you will never find love again in your life, and are doomed to be alone, however, this is not the case as human beings have a great tendency to find love even after heartbreak.

When you are dealing with losing a lover and someone doesn’t love you back, you need to look upon it as a challenge and an opportunity.

There may be intense suffering due to the loss of love and seeing your lover walk away, but no matter what stage of a relationship or stage of life you are at, patience will help you get over the loss.

Try to focus on yourself and how you can make yourself better every day, and listen to hopeful, optimistic music and watch happy movies, reminding yourself that you can find another love.

Losing Love quotes

Quotes about losing love may remind you just how common it is to lose someone you love, and it may make you feel less alone.

Here are some lovely quotes about losing the love that may make you feel better.

“No matter how tightly you hold on, when something is not meant to be, you just have no choice but to let go.”

“I’ve always wondered what losing a limb would feel like. I stopped wondering the moment you left me for good.”

“There is nothing more painful than saying goodbye to something that’s brought so much joy and beauty to your life. However, some goodbyes are just inevitable.”

“You were the light in my life- the sun, the star, the everlasting luminance. Now all I’m left with is darkness, the specks of light here and there to remind me of what I once had but lost.”

“Sometimes you have to allow yourself to lose something great in order for something better to come in your life.”

And, by Alfred Tennyson, the most seminal quote about losing love:

“’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”

When you lose interest in your lover

Losing a lover can also happen when you lose interest in your lover, and in this case, you need to let them know as soon as you realize this, so they can start to move on as well.

Losing a lover is not always something that may be inflicted upon you, instead, it can also be something that may be caused because of you, but that does not mean that it doesn’t hurt just as much, after all, you are still coping with a loss. 

Sometimes, after the newness and novelty wear off it can also mean that the interest is fading as well.

Initially, you may still love them, but losing interest in a partner can often mean that it will eventually end in you losing your love.

Katherine Shorter​, a marriage counselor and founder of Yoked, says, “Oftentimes, losing interest in your partner has to do with growth, or a lack thereof”.

She also adds, “My husband and I have been married for over six years and we still check in with each other at least once a quarter to see what our goals are at the moment, for the future, and how we can work together to achieve them,” she says. “Even being married, our goals and interests are going to change and we have to keep communication open to know that we are still in alignment with each other. If we’re not, we figure out what we need to do to get back there.”

Below are some signs that you may be losing your love and interest for your partner:

·       Your Body doesn’t get excited for them any more

·       You feel more a friend kind of love rather than a romantic attachment

·       You don’t feel like arguing with them anymore

·       You don’t feel like going out with them or doing things with them

·       You keep a busy schedule to avoid spending a lot of time together

·       You have stopped prioritizing their calls or texts

·       You feel like both of you have stopped trying


In this brief guide, we discussed ways to cope with losing a lover or having to deal with losing a significant love. Please feel free to reach out to us with any questions or comments.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): Losing Love

Can you lose feelings for someone you love?

Yes, it is possible to lose feelings for someone you love.

“Oftentimes, losing interest in your partner has to do with growth, or a lack thereof,” Katherine Shorter​, marriage counselor and founder of Yoked says about losing feelings for someone you love.

How do you deal with losing the person you love?

To deal with losing the person you love, try to think about your loss and accept the fact that you have no control over other people’s actions, only your own.

What happens when you lose your true love?

One of the things that happen when you lose your love is that little things may remind you of them long after you lose them.
A random smell or song may bring you right back with them and that can hurt.
You might remember them in the most mundane tasks, and you might continue to do so throughout the rest of your life.

What does lost love mean?

Lost love usually means unrequited love or love that has not been returned.

Lost love can also mean that a loved one has died or someone has lost love to a break up in their romantic relationship.

Why do men lose interest?

Some men may lose interest because they are hoping for excitement and adventure and they are not able to find it in the relationship.

Men may also lose interest because they are just not ready for a relationship and they may have rushed into it because they were overcome with emotion and love.

Can feelings just disappear?

Feelings cannot just disappear but some times feelings of love for someone can fade over time.


Coping with Losing a lover (A guide)

Juanita Agboola

Juanita Agboola is the editor in chief of HFNE and an expert in mental health online. She has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues since 2012. All Guides are reviewed by our editorial team which constitutes various clinical psychologists, PhD and PsyD colleagues.