In this brief guide, we are going to discuss the topic, “I hate my family.” We will present some of the reasons why people hate their families, we will show the features of functional and dysfunctional families, and we will give you some tips on what to do if you cannot stop thinking “I hate my family.”
I hate my family: What are the reasons?
The reasons why you hate your family can be different, as L. Tolstoy said, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. However, here you can find the main possible reasons for your hatred towards your family:
- You do not voice your frustrations – If you do not like some things, they can make you angry, stressed and annoyed but if you hide those feelings and do not express them in constructive ways, you will get more distant from your family.
- Dysfunctional family – If the family is dysfunctional, and it does not realize its functions, it can cause hatred.
I hate my family: What is a functional family?
A functional family is the family that solves internal and external problems in constructive ways and implements its functions.
The main functions of the family are: emotional, sexual, reproductional, communicative, educational, household function, recreational.
The emotional function is the function of emotional satisfaction. It assumes the satisfaction by its members of the needs for respect, emotional support, sympathy, recognition, psychological protection.
The sexual function assumes the satisfaction of sexual needs and regulates the sexual behavior of family members.
Reproduction function assumes reproduction of life, giving birth to children.
The communicative function is also essential. The first experience of communication and sharing in common with another person takes place in the family. Communication contributes to persons’ socialization.
Younger generations usually get educated first in the family.
Household function satisfies nutrition of the family, the acquisition and maintenance of the household property, clothing, shoes, home improvement, the creation of home comfort, the organization of family life, the formation and expenditure of the household budget.
The recreational function assumes the organization of entertainment and recovery after work, as well as leisure activities.
I hate my family: Dysfunctional family.
Psychologists give characteristics of a dysfunctional family. Here are some of them:
- There is no intimacy, healthy boundaries and respect for personal space,
- Denying problems and maintaining illusions,
- Rigidity and inertness of rules and roles. “Do not say,” “Do not feel,” “Do not trust,” Feelings are allowed to show only to those who are in the center. The child understands that expressing emotions is unsafe. Negative emotions accumulate and freeze. They do not know how to express grief, and accordingly joy,
- The boundaries of personality are either mixed or tightly divided by a blank wall,
- Manifestations of personality are controlled and suppressed. Codependent behavior,
- Conflicting relationships, including hidden ones,
- Total control by a family member over others,
- The personal needs of each are sacrificed to the needs of the family,
- In such a family there is little humor and laughter,
- Shame and manipulation are used as regulators of behavior.
What to do if I keep claiming, “I hate my family”?
If you keep claiming, “I hate my family,” you should:
- Try to figure out what exactly makes you feel hatred towards your family
Go to a calm place without any distractions, and think trying to understand the buried reasons that cause hatred.
As soon as you are conscious about the problem causing hatred, talk to your family, and express it. Tell them how you feel. It is essential. There are many cases when people do not express their feelings thinking that others understand all correctly, but they do not care. Not expressing feelings deepens the problem and can cause more other problems, it can make families more dysfunctional.
- Be more empathic
Try to look at the situation from your family members’ point of view. Being empathic will help you understand your family better.
- Analyze your behavior
Be honest with yourself and analyze your behavior. Are you acting fairly? How would you feel and act if someone behaved in the way you do? You may realize that the problem is connected to your behavior, and your family does not deserve hatred.
- Do not say it if you do not mean it.
If, because of a reason you are angry at your family, you should not shout, “I hate my family.” Maybe you say it because you are mad then, but they can get hurt seriously. If you say “I hate my family,” and you feel hatred towards family, then there is a problem and needs to be solved.
- Meet a therapist
If you keep using the phrase “I hate my family,” a professional psychologist can help you to find solutions for the problem with your problem with family. He/she can also help to reduce your stress and other problems that you have, and that affects your relationship with your family negatively.
You can also go to a psychological consultation with your family members.
- Write the good qualities of your family on a list.
Writing the good qualities of your family can help you ease the negative thoughts about your family, and maybe also to realize that what you feel towards them is not hatred. You will probably whisper, “I hate my family” less than before, or will even stop it.
- Write down your negative feelings towards your family.
As soon as you get negative thoughts about your family or feel hatred towards them, you should write about those feelings on a paper, rip and throw away or.
- Have your private space
Even if people love their family members a lot, every person needs to have his/her private space. Otherwise, they become irritated and get negative thoughts and emotions directed to the family; they can often say, “I hate my family.” So you should go for a walk, read a book or watch a movie alone, make time for yourself during a day.
- Imagine life without them.
Imagine life without them. How would you feel if they did not exist, if you did not have a family? Would you be happy? Be honest. All of us, time by time, can feel some negative feelings and hatred towards our families, thinking, “I hate my family,” but we heart them. It is possible that you will realize that you do not hate your family, and you need them.
Recommended books and sources
- HFNE “I hate my wife”
- HFNE “52 lists for happiness”
- How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
- I Love My Family Big Book
- The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER
In this brief guide, we discussed the theme “I hate my family,” we talked about the reasons that can cause negative feelings and hatred towards the family. The reasons why a person hates his/her family are different. However, one of the main reasons is that the family is dysfunctional. To help you understand better, we presented the features of functional and dysfunctional families. The tips above can help you to solve the problem with your family understanding them better and figure out if you hate them and if so, then what to do.
Please feel free to comment on the content or ask any questions in the comments section below.
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