How to stop shouting at your child (Tips)

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In this guide, we will discuss “How to stop shouting at your child UK”, why we tend to shout and some useful tips on how to stop shouting at your child.

How to stop shouting at your child UK?

‘How to stop shouting at your child?’ is a question many parents ask themselves but really without a convincing or effective answer.

If your kids are driving you crazy or you just start screaming at them for everything and anything, making you feel exhausted and frustrated. 

In addition, you may be struggling with them to get them ready for school, for them to pick up their toys after they finished playing or similar situations that we are going to identify as ‘triggers’.

After screaming in these situations, you may feel relieved from all the stress and frustration but then you may feel ashamed and guilty because that is not the type of parent you want to be.

How to stop shouting at your child   (Tips)

Reprimanding, screaming, or shouting at your kids for their behavior may be considered as an automatic response, but it is not ideal or an effective way of handling your kid’s bad behavior.

Moreover, research has shown how ineffective is shouting to our kids where your child may temporarily do what you intend them to do but in time, they will learn to zone out.

On the other hand, shouting or screaming at your kids if they are crossing the street and are about to be hit by a car can be a situation where it is completely valid.

This will actually have the purpose to alert your child from imminent danger, an emergency. 

We recommend checking out the book “Cal Parent Happy Kids: the secrets of stress-free parenting” by Dr. Laura Markham, published by Vermilion. 

Why do most parents shout?

If you have identified screaming or shouting half the time you interact with your child and you know this is not positive or the way to correct their behavior, congratulations because most people don’t even accept they have become angry parents. 

Moreover, you may have noticed how your kids respond better if you don’t shout or you may have become the angry mom or angry dad whose kid seems to ignore or even push your buttons on purpose, creating a hostile and not really contributing to having a healthy relationship with your kids.  

How to stop shouting at your child   (Tips)

As Parentdish.co.uk indicates “If, instead, we can stay calm, it settles everyone else down. We model emotional regulation. We’re able to intervene more effectively to solve the problem. Our child learns how to move herself from upset to calm. Our relationship with our child strengthens. He cooperates more. She starts to control her own emotions more.”

However, consider how shouting is not really your fault and definitely doesn’t mean you are a terrible parent, you are just trying to manage your kid’s behavior the best way you know.

Taking a step back and thinking about how you need to change your ways of dealing with your kid’s behavior is something you need to be proud of, so don’t be so hard on yourself.

Let’s take a look at some useful tips on how to stop shouting at your child. 

Tips on how to stop shouting at your child

We all have felt stressed and overwhelmed with everything going on in our lives and shouting is just how we tend to manifest it. 

Moreover, our brain triggers unconscious memories from our childhood and we tend to replicate the ways we were treated when we were younger.

For instance, remember how your mom or your dad used to reprimand you when you were a child?

Do you see yourself reflected in your parent’s behavior? Well, the good thing is it doesn’t mean it has to be like this forever. 

Tip 1: commit yourself to change

If you do want to make a change and stop shouting, make a commitment to you, your child and your family.

It is a great motivation to remember you are your child’s role model and how you don’t want your child to replicate your behavior.

To keep track of your progress you can set up a chart to reward yourself, take some time to do this with your child to start connecting with them in a fun and positive environment.

At the end of the day, ask your child to put a sticker on the board if you have refrained from shouting. 

Tip 2: Stop and breathe

Yes, most people underestimate the power of breathing because we are so used to doing it automatically that we forget how to use it to our advantage.

When you notice yourself raising your voice and feel really tempted to start shouting, stop talking, close your eyes, and start noticing your physical reactions. 

Your brain will start sending signals to your body and will trigger the “flight or fight” response.

Take some deep breaths, recognize how you are feeling, and pay attention to how your body starts to relax.

Tip 3: remember you are the grown-up 

Your child will act like a child, as they are supposed to so don’t give into thinking they need to understand everything you say and how you expect them to behave on your first attempt.

Remember your child is always observing and learning from their role models.

Moreover, recognize when it is about you and not your child meaning, you could have had a bad day at work or overwhelmed on how you will pay the bills, your child doesn’t know about your struggles and they don’t really need to. 

 Remove your own struggles and stress from the situation. Instead of shouting, give them a warning.

instance, if you need them to stop watching TV to have dinner you can say something like “It is time to have dinner, take 5 more minutes but then time’s up.”

How to stop shouting at your child   (Tips)

Tip 4: SEED good behavior

If you are about to get into an argument with your child, try the SEED technique to diffuse the tension.

As indicated by Claire Lavelle from netdoctor.co.uk, the SEED technique goes as follows:

S – Show sympathy with your child if they’re resisting your requests and tell them you understand.

E – Explain why you’re asking them to do whatever it is you’re asking.

E – Outline your expectations. Let them know how quickly you want them to do something; then remind them again when the time is up.

D – Divert their attention with a positive alternative.

Tip 5: Adjust your expectations

Keep your expectations realistic. Most parents expect their children to behave as grownups in certain situations.

For instance, if you usually take your child to run errands with you and they usually end up in a tantrum or making a scene in public, your automatic reaction is to scream and shout so they change their behavior but think about how they don’t really need to enjoy doing those things.

Try to run fewer errands with them or make sure you do set the rules before going out.

How to stop shouting at your child   (Tips)

Why is this blog about How to stop shouting at your child UK important?

How to stop shouting at your child is important because you may be already tired and exhausted from all the shouting and screaming, making you feel like a bad parent.

However, as we have discussed, this may not be your fault, it is just the way you were taught when you were growing up.

The good thing here is that you have taken the first step to commit to changing your ways of dealing with your child’s behavior and avoiding all the shouting and screaming.

Moreover, consider your child is going to act like a child so don’t expect them to be little robots or always behave like grown-ups.

Also, make sure you take some time to detach yourself from all the emotions and overwhelming situations going on in your life because just at the minimum provocation, you may just relieve all your stress and frustration on your child.

Remember you are a role model and your child will tend to replicate your behavior if you want to teach them how to regulate their emotions, be the role model they need to learn how to do it.

Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about How to stop shouting at your child UK

How do I stop shouting at my son?

If you want to stop shouting at your son start by recognizing your triggers, which can help you have a greater chance of avoiding it by learning how to manage your emotions when they present.

In addition, try giving your kids a warning, such as “you have 5 more minutes to play before going to bed”. 

If you feel too overwhelmed and about to scream at your son just take a time out and go to a quiet place, you can scream into the air or a pillow.

When you calm down, you can go back and talk to your kid.

What shouting does to a child?

Shouting at your child might seem like a great idea because it seems to get them to do what you need them to but research has shown it can actually make them more aggressive (physically and verbally).

It also scares your child and makes them feel very insecure and even can increase the probability of developing anxiety and low self-esteem.

Can yelling at a child be harmful?

Yelling at a child can be as harmful as hitting them.

Research has shown how harsh physical and verbal discipline techniques increase the chance of your child developing problematic behaviors where you feel the need to keep yelling. 

How do you discipline a child without yelling?

If you want to discipline your child without yelling, make sure you establish clear rules and the consequences of not respecting them, however, they don’t need to be associated with being physical or verbally abusive.

In addition, provide positive reinforcement or rewards to behaviors you desire to increase.

Identifying the reasons why you yell can help you anticipate them.  

How does an angry parent affect a child?

If you are an angry parent, it can affect your child by making them more aggressive and noncompliant.

Moreover, there seems to be a relationship between parental anger and delinquency, as well as increasing the probability of anxiety and/or depression.

References 

Lavelle, C. (2020, Jan.) Can’t stop shouting at your kids? 7 alternative ways to discipline your children. Retrieved from netdoctor.co.uk.

Huffingtonpost.co.uk: “How To Stop Shouting At Your Child”

Kadane, L. (2019, Nov.) 10 proven ways to finally stop yelling at your kids. Retrieved from todaysparent.com.

How to stop shouting at your child   (Tips)

Daniela Paez

Daniela Paez is a Clinical Psychologist with an MSc. In Clinical Neuropsychology from Bangor University. She has vast experience in working with children with disabilities, adolescents and their families, in extreme conditions of poverty and vulnerability. Additionally, she owns a private practice where she provides neuropsychological evaluation for children and adults, and treatment for mood disorders, anxiety, couple therapy, among other conditions.