How to stop looking for love and let it find you

How to stop looking for love and let it find you

In this blog post, we teach you how to stop looking for love and let it find you. We also address subjects such as: love should not be begged, mourning someone who doesn’t love you, how lack of interest kills affection, and why it is necessary to take care of ourselves as well.

Here’s how to stop looking for love and let it find you

Life is too short to run after someone who doesn’t even walk for you. It is not necessary to go behind when they already know where you are when they know your home and they know about your mysteries. So stop looking for love and let it find you.

The truth is that there are people who do not care but who, nevertheless, do care. In these cases, it can be difficult for us to understand the situation, because interest in others does not speak the language of selfishness. But don’t look for something that they don’t offer you, don’t beg for it either.

Remember that your phone number is made up of the same digits and that, in reality, there is no lack of time, but rather a lack of interest. Think that when someone wants or needs something or someone, they can remove heaven and earth to share even a few seconds.

How to stop looking for love and let it find you

Love is not begged

Do not search. Dragging ourselves and begging for crumbs of affection that they do not want to give us is not healthy in the short or long term. However, it is possible that certain samples come to affect us and that they serve us to look for reasons to continue anchored in the desire that this person remains in our life.

If we stop to think, all we do with that attitude is unnecessarily prolong emotional suffering. Submitting to the will of others makes us become puppets of their needs and cravings.

In this sense, obviously, there are things that happen because they have to happen, but there are others that happen when we make them happen. We cannot feel free or be happy if we live clinging and tied to hopes that others manage

Indulge in soul searching so you can become a better version of yourself. This way one will get attracted to you automatically.

Don’t look, let the wind take away the unnecessary of your life

It is difficult to let go or let go of what we consider very ours, be it feelings or people. In other words, certain stones that we carry on our back are united by a feeling of identity and belonging that merges with our fear of losing something that we believe is so intense and important.

However, even though all that emotional chaos ties us to certain people, we also end up getting tired of not being valued. When we realize this, we are likely to feel somewhat selfish, which is terrible for our emotional health.

Feeling that if we do not endure a situation a little longer or that certain people are failing is something amazingly common. The foundation of this feeling is the fear that gives us to face the emptiness that the loss generates.

In other words, we feel that if we stop sacrificing ourselves, we lose the opportunity to build part of the emotional history of our lives. However, what we are really doing is behaving as cruelly as possible towards ourselves, our expectations and our desires.

How to stop looking for love and let it find you

The way to emotional freedom is built from the stones that we are releasing; that is, of toxic feelings and people that we are getting rid of.

Letting go is the only way to make room for our strengths, to accept our mistakes and to express our intentions and our commitment. In this way we avoid that the negative subtracts space from the positive, managing to increase our enthusiasm for life and our well-being.

It is not stronger who supports more, but who is more capable of “letting go”

If it doesn’t bring joy to your life … LET IT GO

If it doesn’t light you up or build you … LET IT GO

If it remains but does not grow … LET IT GO

If it provides you with security and thus avoids the effort of developing … RELEASE

If it doesn’t recognize your talents … LET IT GO

If it doesn’t caress your being … LET IT GO

If it doesn’t propel your takeoff… LET GO

If he says, but he doesn’t … LET IT GO

If there is no place in your life for you… LET GO

If he tries to change you … LET GO

If the ‘I’ prevails … LET IT GO

If there are more disagreements than encounters… LET GO

If it just doesn’t add to your life … LET IT GO

RELEASE … the fall will be much less painful than the pain of holding on to what could be but is not.

Do not look for or go after what they do not want to give you, let go of it … But stay open to the possibility of being found by those who do want to be part of your life in a healthy way. Don’t look, allow them to find you …

How to stop looking for love and let it find you

A love that begs is not love

Begging love is not love, it is a lack of dignity, of self-respect. Because when you really love someone, you take care of them and avoid pain if you can do it, but do not provoke or believe it.

So if you don’t take care of those “false loves”, if you don’t avoid pain, you are not loving yourself. In this sense, doing it is the first step to live love fully, so as not to fall into manipulation, mistreatment or victimization. Probably in that situation, we think and feel that suffering is inevitable, but it is not true.

Any human being is capable of surpassing himself, of making it impossible for him to take advantage of his feelings and of evaluating how a relationship does not deserve us because it does not offer us happiness, joy or growth.

The mourning for someone who doesn’t love you

Realizing and saying goodbye to a love that does not love us and that does not show us care or affection requires that we respect our time of mourning. A duel that requires in itself a space for understanding what has happened to us.

 Mourning for love needs reflection and improvement because the anguish of realizing that someone doesn’t love us makes us feel that something is devouring us from within. We feel that this “no love” has betrayed our feelings and laughed at our ability to love.

You have to allow time to get angry, to deny reality, to fantasize. Also to be horrified, to collapse, to ignore and know the parts that have been broken and those that are still intact, to recompose the mixed feelings, etc.

All this is essential to love us, to feel important and value ourselves. After all, when a “no love” is left behind, a process of emotional freedom begins that is framed in well-being through the farewell to the pain.

Lack of interest kills affection

Love must be demonstrated, not begged. To do so is to submit to our capacity to love the worst of executioners: indifference. Indifference lives on the imbalance in a relationship and is sustained thanks to the weak foundation.

There is nothing better than continued expressions of disinterest to start opening our eyes when we felt compelled to close them.

Then we realize that not all “love” is true love, that “love” does not always obtain reciprocity and that to be happy as a couple it is necessary for both members to laugh together, to be complicit and good lovers.

Only in the absence of lies, excuses and disinterest can love to be created that essentially bases its freedom on healthy behaviours and not on subjugations. We deserve that relationship that, having the freedom to choose, be close, based on appreciation, shared time and thoughts of mutual affection.

How to stop looking for love and let it find you

It is necessary to nurture our self-esteem, to love ourselves as well

No one can make you unhappy without your consent. To build a happy relationship, you have to care, love and value yourself. That is, we must show ourselves that we love each other every day.

Once we achieve this, we will be in a position not to look for those who do not surprise us and do not show interest, not surrender to the emotional executioner of indifference that tries to bend us with ignored messages or unfounded silences.

It does not matter the loves that disappoint us, it does not matter that we feel that we are next to the love of our life or that we do not believe in eternal loves. True and indispensable love is love for oneself and it will be from this feeling that we can separate and assert what we deserve and what we do not deserve.

FAQ on How to stop looking for love and let it find you

Is searching for love bad?

Searching for love can be bad, as this will become your main focus, instead of on focusing on your own needs and wellbeing. You find true love by chance and when you least expect it. True love takes you by surprise, and it slowly prepares you. It teaches you to survive, to resist trials, torments and storms. Don’t waste your energy for anything and don’t bother. 

Why shouldn’t you look for a relationship?

You shouldn’t look for a relationship because you don’t know when the ideal person can appear. Maybe that day is today or the next week, maybe you should wait a few more years. But the wait is worth it because when it comes it will be a perfect time. 

Should I search for love or wait?

You shouldn’t either search or wait for love. Pay attention to those around you, to the landscape, change your routine. Give yourself more time and more attention. Periodically ask yourself what you would like to do, try, practice or simply change in your life. And love will find you.

How do I stop being desperate for love?

To stop being desperate for love, you need to start loving yourself more. The despair for somebody else’s love is usually a sign that we do not appreciate ourselves enough, that we do not see the good in ourselves, that we do not believe we deserve the best partner. 

Why are people so desperate for love?

People are desperate for love for various reasons. Some people are afraid of being lonely, they do not know how not to be in a relationship. But most of the time, people are desperate for love because they have an inner void that they’d rather have filled with external love than actually making the effort of living themselves. 

In conclusion

In this blog post, we taught you how to stop looking for love and let it find you. We also addressed subjects such as: love should not be begged, mourning someone who doesn’t love you, how lack of interest kills affection, and why it is necessary to take care of ourselves as well.

Life is too short to run after someone who doesn’t even walk for you. It is not necessary to go behind when they already know where you are when they know your home and they know about your mysteries. So stop looking for love and let it find you.

The truth is that there are people who do not care but who, nevertheless, do care. In these cases, it can be difficult for us to understand the situation, because interest in others does not speak the language of selfishness. But don’t look for something that they don’t offer you, don’t beg for it either.

If you have any questions or comments, please let us know!

Further reading 

How to Find Love (Essay Books), by The School of Life

He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It, Andrea Syrtash 

I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies…: How to Find Love & Sh*t Like That, by Betches 

Own Life: How to Show Up with Confidence and Take Control of the Future, by Todd Eden 

How to Win Friends and Influence People,  by Dale Carnegie 

References

Lifehack.org – Why You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It

Greatist.com -How to Stop Feeling Desperate When You’re Single

Tinybuddha.com – Love Shows Up When You Do

Medium.com – Do You Find Love or Does Love Find You?

How to stop looking for love and let it find you

Nadejda Romanciuc

Nadejda Romanciuc holds a Bachelor’s degree in psychology and a diploma in Addiction studies. She is part of the Romanian Association of Integrative Psychotherapy as a psychotherapist under supervision. She's practicing online counselling for over two years and is a strong advocate for mental health.