In this guide, we will discuss “How to not be nervous for your first time”, a few tips and things to consider to make this situation a more pleasant and enjoyable one.
How to not be nervous for your first time?
‘How not to be nervous your first time?’ you may be wondering. Well, first of all, it is completely and absolutely normal that you do and you are not the only one. Just like every time we have our ‘first time’ at something, such as our first kiss, first driving lesson, first time riding a bike or first day of school, etc., but feeling nervous is part of it, it’s what reminds us we are human after all.
We know how the first time can be nerve-wracking but the second, third, fourth time, and so on will be handled differently. Society has a lot to do with how we perceive and experience our first time, that is because sometimes people set really high standards and expectations for us, that we don’t even know if they are achievable but still, we embrace them as our own, just to please other people or prevent them from talking. This is when we still go ahead and do it, it doesn’t matter if we feel uncomfortable.
In contrast, it could be that you have determined how and when your first time would be, giving you some sense of control over the situation but in fact, we can’t be certain whether or not it would be a good or bad experience, less alone, a perfect one.
In addition, we need to be fully aware of the influence of alcohol and drugs on how ready we feel we are to have sex. If you feel you need alcohol or drugs to be ready, then it probably isn’t the right time yet. When you or your partner is intoxicated, it can affect your ability to think and make clear decisions, which increases the chance of engaging in risky sexual activities or even being able to consent to have sex.
Get rid of the expectations
Yes, we know how many of us go in thinking everything should be perfect or how we should make something worth remembering but know this, it is OK if not. We are not saying it should be the worst but what we are saying it, it is OK to make mistakes or for the experience not to be as perfect as we planned initially.
For instance, there is no way you can predict if there will be sexual chemistry, how comfortable (or uncomfortable) you will feel or if you or your partner will enjoy it. To overcome feeling overwhelmed with nerves, don’t go into the experience with high expectations. Remember to keep your mind open to all the possibilities of how it could turn out. If it is not that great, don’t overthink it, there is always a next time but if you actually enjoyed it then you will remember it always as a nice and positive experience.
Communicate with your partner
We get it, it can be scary and embarrassing or we may even be worried that we could ruin the moment and kill the vibe. However, your partner is not a mind reader so if you don’t say anything they will think everything is OK when it is probably not.
If you are in pain or it is being too aggressive, tell your partner. However, if you are enjoying it and you feel great, tell them as well. Moreover, if you don’t feel comfortable at all and don’t want to continue, make sure to tell them, doesn’t matter what they might think, it is about you and how you feel at that particular moment and if you decide last minute not to, you are not obliged to do anything you don’t feel like doing.
Enjoy the moment by being present
If you are feeling too overwhelmed or nervous, make sure to take deep breaths through your nose and slowly release it through your mouth. Think about what is happening in the current moment and how you feel, this will help you listen to your body and do what it feels right.
When we are about to have our first time we tend to think about the ultimate goal and what everyone talks about, having an orgasm. However, consider focusing on the moments prior to it because they are important too and they can actually help you reach your ultimate goal.
Foreplay can help you feel more comfortable
When we are nervous, it is normal to want to ‘get it over with’ as soon as possible so jumping from a kiss to penetration seems logical but in practice, it is not really a good idea. Think about how, before you go to the gym or you play some sport, warming up is crucial to avoid having an injury so something similar happens in this situation.
If you are feeling nervous and you attempt to penetrate or be penetrated, the muscles will be so tense that it will result in an awkward and you or your partner will feel even more anxious.
Instead, allow yourself to feel comfortable by engaging in foreplay, prior to the moment you have been waiting for. If you are not really sure about what foreplay is, in simple words it means the erotic stimulation that precedes intercourse. Here are some examples:
- Oral sex
- Role Playing
- A sensual massage
- Playing with sex toys
Talk to someone you trust
If you are feeling too overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared, etc., share how you are feeling with someone you trust. Consider talking to a sibling, a friend, a parent, a teacher, counselor, or someone you know that has had already sexual experiences.
Remember, if you talk to a friend consider how they will tell you about their personal experience, sometimes raw and simple, but with no intention to scare you. However, if you need advice without feeling judged or questioned, try to talk to your school counselor.
Safe sex practices
Besides thinking about your first time and the potential outcome, it is important to consider having safe sex. You could pay a visit to your GP where they can give you information on how to stay sexually healthy and even make your first time more enjoyable.
Here, the idea is not only protecting yourself to avoid pregnancies but also STIs, which not only will show respect for the other person but also yourself. As indicated by headspace.org.au, “Using barrier protection, such as condoms, diaphragms, and dental dams are safe sex methods that can reduce the risk of most STIs, however, they need to be used correctly. Which is why it’s important to speak to a health professional, such as a GP, nurse, or counselor first.”
Why is this blog about How to not be nervous for your first time important?
As discussed in this guide about ‘How not to be nervous for your first time’, consider how normal it is to be nervous, how probably your partner is too and how the ultimate goal is to enjoy without setting any expectations about how it should be perfect but keep an open mind and be open to all the possibilities. Your first time is yours, and yours alone so try not to make it about what other people might say or think, enjoy the present moment even if it doesn’t turn out to be the greatest experience ever.
Moreover, your first time should happen when you are ready and not when others believe you are. Make sure to communicate with your partner and let them know how you feel at all times, especially if there is something you don’t like or you don’t feel comfortable doing. Also, always make sure to practice safe sex (every time), because this will not only prevent unwanted pregnancies but also STIs.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about How to not be nervous for your first time
How can I stop being nervous for the first time?
If you want to stop being nervous for the first time, here are some tips:
– Prepare yourself.
– Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, think positively.
– Take some deep breaths slowly through your nose and let it out through your mouth.
– Admit how normal it is to feel nervous.
– Look after yourself.
Is it normal to be nervous about losing your virginity?
It is completely normal to be nervous about losing your virginity, just as with many ‘first times’. However, it can be quite scary and nerve-wracking to think about the outcome or what will happen. Moreover, we tend to have high expectations about it or the idea of ‘perfection’, and the idea of things not going as we expected can make us feel very nervous.
How do I relax for the first time?
If you want to relax for your first time avoid going with high expectations, don’t automatically expect it to be a bad experience but don’t think things will be perfect as in romantic movies. Moreover, openly communicate with your partner about how you are feeling or what will make you feel more comfortable.
How do I calm my nerves before hooking up?
If you need to calm your nerves before hooking up, here are some ways to consider:
– Don’t set high expectations or consider it has to be perfect.
– Remember it is a two-way street and communicating is important.
– Take deep and slow breaths.
– Remember you are not obliged to do anything, so you can always say no.
Is it okay to hook up?
It is okay to have an occasional hookup as long as you are safe and it makes you happy. However, make sure if you would like to hook up in a healthy way that you and your partner know what the hook up will mean and you are always protected not only for unwanted pregnancies but also STDs.
Dungee, K. (2017, Nov.) 4 Ways to Calm Your Nerves Before You Have Sex For The First Time. Retrieved from hercampus.com.
Headspace.org.au: “The influence of alcohol and other drugs”