How to Love Someone (A Complete Guide)

How to love someone
JuanitaHFNE

Juanita Agboola is the editor in chief of HFNE and an expert in mental health online. She has been writing about online behaviour, mental health and psychology issues since 2012. All Guides are reviewed by our editorial team which constitutes various clinical psychologists, PhD and PsyD colleagues.

In this brief guide, we cover how to love someone and what you may want to consider when struggling with being able to love someone.

How to Love Someone?

How to love someone is a very common question we tend to ask ourselves when we are starting to meet someone or you just decided to start a relationship. This guide will provide you with useful tips so you can learn to love someone, this is a rather complex subject and there are no right or wrong answers. 

What we recommend is you learn to accept your partner the way it is to be able to care for them genuinely and grow together as a couple. However, accepting them or “loving” them as they are, doesn’t mean you let them do anything they want, especially when it affects you emotionally or physically. 

The most common mistake when you start a new relationship is to believe and compare your new partner with a previous partner or relationship you had in the past.  Most likely, you will try to love them the same way you did or have done with the previous partners, and in many cases, you will unconsciously treat them like you do with everyone else in your life.

How to Love Someone (A Complete Guide)

Be aware of this, because, if someone is not in your life anymore and things didn’t work out it is because that person was not the right for you, so what can make you think this new partner needs to be treated the same way or that it is exactly the same as your ex. 

Some people tend to start relationships without being committed to the relation itself, they just want to see where the flow is going to take them and not think about how to maintain and care for the relationship. Sometimes, we avoid being committed because we don’t want to get hurt so we tend not to invest emotionally. 

Here we are going to list a couple of tips that if done wholeheartedly and constantly will increase the chances of a healthy and strong relationship.

Share your partner’s success

 Its common while in a relationship that your partner has some positive situations in their work-life, like a job promotion, that will improve their financial or professional status, this is sometimes received with jealousy or as a simple thing. Celebrate and encourage their dreams, their efforts and the accomplishments so the person feels you care about them and support them. 

Show genuine care and affection

Everybody loves when you receive little details or presents that demonstrate how much they love you or care for you, it doesn’t need to be something expensive, it can be little actions like breakfast in bed, a flower, a card or a simple text reminding them how much you care and love them.

Remember, caring does not mean you have to be willing to give expensive gifts all the time or let them manipulate you in giving things all the time as a sign of affection or love. 

How to Love Someone (A Complete Guide)

Love them and live the present moment

Imagine today was your last day ever, enjoy and seize the moment. Make the most of each moment whilst you can. Love them like they’re the best thing that ever happened in your life. And let them feel it by showing affectionate and by taking an interest in their lives and planning activities to do together.

Try not to stress too much about tomorrow or the “what ifs”. This will only get you confused and probably your partner too will start to doubt, making it very hard to love someone in such conditions. 

Don’t be judgemental

In a relationship there is no I, there is we, you need to learn to respect and understand that the other person is not you and that you choose him/her because there are other things you like, every human being is different we have flaws but if we work with them instead of judging them, you can evolve and be better together.

Be honest about your feelings

This is one of the most important if not the most important one, nothing that is built around lines lasts, the more straightforward you are about things, the best you can talk about them, you might think that little white lies help or are necessary but in the end, a white lie is just a lie. Speaking with truth will make you free and will create a relationship founded on honesty.

Communicate your feelings, tell your partner you love them when you are genuinely feeling it, not because you feel obligated. It’s really simple but most people forget about this basic expression of their love. It’s like they avoid letting the other person know how they really feel.

How to Love Someone (A Complete Guide)

Be direct and straightforward so the person never has to second-guess how you feel.  Simply be honest with your feelings for them, you won’t be afraid of telling them straight in the eye. Be proud of how you feel. For whatever reason your soul expresses such love for them, it does. Do not question it. It’s bigger than you can consciously grasp. So just be honest and tell them. You may not receive the expected response, but at least you were honest with them and with yourself.

Know who you are and what you want

It’s important to understand first who you are to know what you want, some people enter relationships without knowing this and tend to hurt their partner over confusion or just plain detachment since they were just “going with the flow”. If you know you are looking for a serious relationship and to bond with someone on a different level, you will avoid empty relationships.

If someone is making you feel “not enough” or not appreciated then you will start feeling that you are not worthy of being loved or you feel you need to make a lot of effort for them to love you back, then it can affect your self-esteem and that is the opposite of love. Remember that you need to learn to love yourself so you can actually learn how to love someone else.  

Be open

Some of us have a tendency either by the way we were raised or just because of our personality to not accept or avoid other points of views or ideas, in a relationship, this is a big no, you need to open your heart, mind, and ears, be always ready to view the world in their perspective, try new things, listen and understand before speaking and know that in relationship there are always 2 points of views.

Be loyal

This one is given, you are sharing not just a physical bond with a person but an emotional one as well, it’s important to understand that the other person has given you his trust and you are the only one responsible to keep it. It’s a matter of respect to not cheat or betray the other person’s trust, always talk before taking any choice you may regret later, remember once the damage is done you cannot take it back.

How to Love Someone (A Complete Guide)

Why is this blog about how to love someone important?

Loving someone or developing an emotional connection with them might not seem easy for some. For others, loving someone is just as easy as breathing air. Everyone has a different concept about love and since it is such a complex topic sometimes it is easy to confuse love with something like codependency or “needing” to be with someone to avoid feeling alone.

How to love someone does not have a right or wrong answer, everyone is different and every relationship can have a different meaning about what love is, the important thing here is not to lose your identity in the process and be sure that what you are feeling towards someone is actually love and you are being loved back in return. This clearly is a two-way street. 

Feel free to comment in the comments section below!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about How to love someone

How can you really love someone?

Here are my top 5 ways to truly show and express your love for someone:

  1. Accept the whole. Loving someone means you accept them how they are with all their imperfections. 
  2. You are supportive of your partner and try to nurture the relationship day by day.
  3. Learn the language of Love, learn how to communicate with your partner and when to have those special moments that can bring you closer. 
  4. Know when loving means letting go. This is very hard, sometimes we are so obsessed and refuse to let the other person go but remember, it is a two-way street if you still love them but they are not loving you back in return it is time to face the truth and let go. 
  5. True love begins at home. Many of us experienced a rough childhood and this makes us have second thoughts about what love is because we didn’t get to experience it when we were growing up. Get rid of those patterns and start experiencing by yourself what love means to you. 

How do you know you truly love someone?

It’s not easy to know but not impossible to identify, you might know if you truly in love if you are doing one of these things:

  • Trying new things as a means to understand the other person’s tastes.
  • Can’t take your eyes off them, you have the needs to just know and identify every little detail of them.
  • You want to do anything to make them laugh or be happy, treating them to their favorite dessert or food or just plainly be a goof around them.
  • They are in your every thought, you cannot shake them even in the simplest idea, plan or dream
  • Everything just seems better when they around you, the grass looks greener, the sunshine more even the water taste better.

Is love a feeling or a choice?

The most common understanding of it is that it’s a choice, you can fall in love every day, it’s not hard to do so, but the feeling can be lost as easily as it comes. You can choose to keep the feeling alive and keep it always there, however, mistakenly we use the feeling of being in love as a way to measure the duration of our relationships without understanding the real meaning behind it.

What is the real love?

Love is an unlimited feeling, it has no expectations or limits that’s why the defined word is unconditional, its one of the most difficult things a human being can do since it means being open and true with everything, but true love always seems to conquer.  

Can you force yourself to fall in love with someone?

Yes, you can, but you will need to convince yourself that this specific person you are trying very hard to fall in love with has everything you are looking for in a partner. After a while, your mind can convince you that you are falling in love with them and can grow certain feelings. 

Recommended reading

References

Hackspirit.com 

Wikihow.com/Love-Someone

Mindbodygreen.com/0-15571/how-to-truly-love-someone.html

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