How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

How to get over a crush

In this blog post, we talk on how to get over a crush, what you should and should not do after you’ve been rejected or after a breakup. 

How to get over a crush

Being an adventurer is cool, but any challenge comes with risks, such as rejection or separation in a relationship.

It’s painful, but it can happen to anyone and it’s a natural process in our evolution. It’s impossible to avoid, and the hardest part is when you don’t know how to manage it.

Whether or not you have gone through such a situation, it is good to inform yourself and know how to overcome the moment in a healthy way.

How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

If, for example, you started liking someone and you finally had the courage to tell them, the other person has the right to assess how they feel about your proposal and the chances of them responding in the same way vs not sharing feelings are 50-50.

If scenario 2 happens, don’t despair.

What actually happened has nothing to do with your qualities, but simply with that person’s decision about what is good for him/her.

You would have the same right if the situation were the other way around.

Even if the rejection is not a pleasant experience, but rather an accumulation of negative thoughts, feelings of insecurity, anger, disappointment, etc., remember that there is nothing wrong with you and the fact that it happened to you this time does not mean that it will happen in other situations as well.

People choose based on what they think suits them and if you have been rejected, it may actually be a chance for you to end up with someone who feels lucky to be with you.

How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

1. Accept the other’s decision

First of all, we know that it is not what you expect to know, but you should respect the other’s decision because it is his right to decide for him/her.

Think that there are situations in which you will also need to reject someone and you make the choice based on what is best for you, right?

Consider how that person would feel and how they would like you to respond.

2. Talk about your feelings

It is understandable that rejection is not easy to accept with open arms and can arouse various emotions in you, but it is very important to find a trusted person to talk about them.

When you are overwhelmed with anger or sadness, try not to do things you will regret later.

You don’t have to look “tough” and pretend you’re okay when in fact you’re not. It’s normal to have confused feelings.

Your first refuge may be your best friend, but you would be amazed to know that your parents can also be a real help.

Only they went through such experiences in their youth, don’t you think?

3. Focus more on what you enjoy

It may seem childish, but write down on a piece of paper the things that make you happy, that relaxes you, those cool things that you have been postponing or the new experiences that you would like to try.

Not only write them but act! Go out with friends, have fun and relax, but at the same time be responsible. Stay positive!

4. Dealing with breakups

When it comes to the end of a relationship, try not to get stuck in things like, “she made me feel better,” “I won’t find anyone like him,” “I’m to blame,” or “he/she is to blame”. 

You will be able to feel good even if you are not in a relationship.

Yes, it’s a difficult time to accommodate and accept the new, but even before your life looked great.

You certainly won’t find an identical person, but you don’t have to.

Look at the full side of the glass and hope for the best! 

How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

What you should not do when you are rejected/going through a breakup

In other words, everything that is opposite of what you’ve read so far. More exactly:

  • Don’t try to persuade the other person to change his mind! First of all, it’s unlikely to work. Then he/she has the right to decide what is best for himself/herself.
  • Don’t focus on the negative things!
  • Don’t shut yourself in, but talk to someone who is willing to listen to you!
  • Don’t take refuge in another relationship. This doesn’t help to make your ex jealous or make you feel better. Everything is a vicious circle. Take time for yourself and pamper yourself!

Don’t think you’ll always be rejected.

You will receive and you will offer, in your turn, numerous chances.

Even if you go through rejection or a breakup, that does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are not capable of loving.

On the contrary, go further and don’t change just to please others.

How to get over a breakup

First, you must understand a few important things.

  1. The concept of “great love” is a myth. One of the reasons, if not the main reason why people do not get over possible breakups is precisely the misconception of the soul mate. Your subconscious cannot heal if you are firmly convinced that the person you broke up with was the best for you. The truth is, we all have a lot of potential partners out there.
  1. There are more choices out there. We fall in love with those people who meet our criteria in the subconscious. This means that more people can meet our criteria. Moreover, you can fall in love with someone who, for example, meets only 30 of the 40 criteria that you have in your subconscious. At the same time, there may be someone out there who meets 35 of your criteria.
  1. Being abandoned is not the same as being a bad person. Contrary to popular belief, much of the pain felt after a breakup is not about the person we loved, but about our wounded egos, worries about the future, and feelings of loneliness. If you have been abandoned, it is not necessarily your fault. The simple understanding of this concept can repair our self-confidence and annihilate our suffering.
How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

How to get over anyone by working on your beliefs

  1. Go over emotions, not over the person. As I said above, the pain felt after a breakup is related either to our wounded egos, or to worries about the future, or to the feeling of loneliness, or to all of them together. 

The first step to forgetting someone is to make a list of all the negative feelings you feel and determine which ones are related to the person who loved you and which ones are related to other reasons.

  1.  Everything reminds me of HIM/HER.  When two events become associated with each other in mind, so that the appearance of one of them will remind us of the other, this phenomenon is called anchoring (for example listening to a song that reminds you of a certain situation in the past).

When you try to forget someone, you will often encounter many anchors.

First, try to identify them, and after that try focusing on the good memories and practice gratitude for those days. 

  1. Love addiction prevents recovery. Love addiction is the situation in which people become addicted to relationships just to solve some problems in their lives or simply to get rid of negative emotions. 

Some people thrive in relationships just for the sake of not being alone, overcoming anxiety or depression.

If you are a love addict then you will not be able to get over the person you loved before you face your love addiction problem. 

  1. Separations and disappointments. In addition to negative feelings, a person will also feel after a breakup a lot of disappointments. To get over these disappointments, think about the future. Soon everything will become a memory. 

The important thing is for you to get over it and become the best version of yourself.

Find a hobby, start doing sports, take some free time.

Disappointments will cease to occur when you are proud to have accomplished something. Maybe a gift will make you smile.

Feel free to enjoy yourself. Right now!

  1. There is no great love. There is no soulmate but we all have a lot of potential partners out there. You just have to find them.
  1. Preventing a breakup. Sometimes it is possible to avoid a breakup just before it happens. For this, you need to learn how to communicate efficiently in a relationship. 
  1. Acceptance leads to recovery. When you are convinced that the relationship did not lead to anything good and that you have a full life ahead of you, well, then you will heal. Try not to blame anyone for the breakup. Although it sounds cliché (and it is) keep this in mind: “Don’t be sad that it’s over, smile that it happened”
How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

Conclusions

In this blog post, we talked on how to get over a crush, what you should and should not do after you’ve been rejected or after a breakup. 

The most important thing you have to remember is to put yourself first.

After all, you have a life you have to take care of. Don’t waste precious time.

Suffering after a breakup keeps you in place and that’s why you have to get over it, with your head held high.

Accept that it simply wasn’t to be.

I am sure that in the near future you will have an even stronger relationship and I hope you will not need to come back here to read (at least not this article)!

If you have any questions or comments on the content, please feel free to share them!

FAQ on How to get over a crush

How can I forget about my crush?

To forget about your crush you first have to admit your feelings.

Respect the other person’s decision and focus on taking care of yourself.

Do more of the things that you like, and what gives you confidence and joy.

You will get through this, and there are other people you will meet that will make you forget about all the previous pain.

How long does a crush last for?

According to psychologists, a crush lasts on average for four months.

After that, your feelings will either grow stronger or diminish. 

When should you give up on a crush?

You should give up on a crush if they reject you, if they are seeing someone else, if you are becoming obsessed with this person and no longer seem to enjoy anything else. 

Why can’t I stop thinking about someone?

Sometimes you cannot stop thinking about someone because you are either physically or emotionally attracted to that person. 

Is it love or just a crush?

If it is love or just a crush you will be able to tell the difference in time.

Physical attraction tends to decrease in intensity in time, while love means having feelings for the person as he/she is mentally and physically, morally and spiritually. 

Further Reading

  1. The Body Language of Love, by Alan Pease
  2. Love and Destiny: Discover the Secret Language of Relationships, by Sharon Jeffers
  3. The Body: A Guide for Occupants, by Bill Bryson
  4. The Secret Rules of Flirting, by Fran Green
  5. LOVE SIGNALS: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship, by David Givens

How to get over a crush (Complete guide to a happy life)

Juanita Agboola

Juanita Agboola is the editor in chief of HFNE and an expert in mental health online. She has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues since 2012. All Guides are reviewed by our editorial team which constitutes various clinical psychologists, PhD and PsyD colleagues.