In this brief guide, we will discuss how to calm someone down. The approach you may want to take when trying to calm someone down and how you can help someone without being too intrusive or passive.

Try not to get defensive. When someone’s so mad they can barely speak in a level tone, it’s easy to absorb that negativity and feel defensive. When you’re communicating with someone who is angry, realize that the anger is likely not about you.

Separate the person’s emotions from your own so you can be there for the person without feeling the anger is directed toward you.

Stay in the present. People who are angry will often bring up situations or conversations from the past, particularly if they are trying to draw you into their anger. Try to counteract that by keeping them focused on the present situation and solving a solution to the current problem. Don’t let yourself get drawn into feeling angry about past events.

If the conversation seems to be drifting towards past events, try saying something like, “We can talk about that later. I think right now, we should focus on what is immediately upsetting you and finding a solution to that problem. Let’s take one thing at a time.”

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