How not to be nervous around a girl (Tips)

How not to be nervous around a girl

In this guide we will discuss “how not to be nervous around a girl”, a few tips and tricks that may be super useful when being shy around a girl you like, really feel attracted to or a special someone.

How not to be nervous around a girl: What can I do?

If you are wondering “How not to be nervous around a girl?” may be because you have this huge crush on a girl you have been so nervous to ask out or maybe it is someone you know so well you see every day and would like her to see you as more than friends or maybe it is that cute girl you see on the hallways or during lunchtime and every time she says “hi” you freeze or run the other way to avoid even making eye contact. 

How not to be nervous around a girl (Tips)

Feeling nervous around a girl doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing.

Actually if you feel nervous around her or just with the thought of her saying “hi” then it means you are actually attracted and you care about how she will perceive you or what she thinks of you.

Even though some girls might find that nervousness cute or attractive, in reality we find confident guys even more attractive.

However, being too confident or cocky is not attractive at all and will make the girl run the other way. 

Here are 6 tips that can help you start a conversation or attract the girl you like.

  1. Overcome your “Feeling less valuable” way of thinking

Many guys (and girls for that matter) feel they are not as valuable, attractive, successful, smart, you name it.

Have you ever felt that way when meeting someone or when getting to know someone and the more you feel attracted to, the more you think “Oh, she is way out of my league”.

We all have our insecurities and maybe (yes, it happens quite often) she is feeling exactly the same way when she is around you. 

When you start giving yourself the worth and the value you deserve, you will feel more confident and subsequently people around you will start to notice and value you because you are giving yourself the respect and love you deserve.  

How not to be nervous around a girl (Tips)

In addition and according to Dan Bacon from ‘The Modern Man’, “As a guy, it’s very easy to feel attracted to girls because your attraction for them is mostly based on how they look.

However, a girl’s attraction for you is mostly based on how you make her feel when you interact with her.” 

Remember you have the power to attract any girl you like, and it doesn’t really have to do on how you look (sure, it helps but it is certainly not the most important aspect) but we are more attracted to your confidence, self-esteem, self-image, etc. how you use it and how you can make us feel. 

  1. Stop overthinking and start doing!

Have you noticed how when you start to think about something or you start overthinking you feel less capable of doing or you just simply don’t do anything at all? 

If you see the girl you like and start thinking “Should I say hi?” and then your internal conversation keeps going saying “But she would think I am weird or will ignore me” then, fear (a very powerful emotion) will prevent you from doing anything.

Instead, if you were to say, “I will go and say hi, why not?”.

Experts suggest that the first 3 seconds of having this internal conversation are crucial so before you stop yourself from talking to the girl you like or approaching her, try to act upon those initial 3 seconds so you don’t let your mind get full of negative thoughts that will stop you. 

Once you have started the interaction it is easier to keep it going.

The secret here is just being yourself because if you try to pretend you are someone you are not then at some point you won’t be able to keep up and everything will just backfire.

Besides, if the girl is not able to like you for whom you really are then, she does not deserve you, period!

  1. Remember she is not perfect 

OK, so you may see her like a goddess, this perfect example of a human being, beautiful, smart, caring, friendly, etc. But the truth is that she is far from perfect, she has good days and bad days just as you do.

She may even feel insecure about her appearance at times not liking what she sees in the mirror in the morning without her make up or just feeling nervous the same way you do.

Moreover, we also ask ourselves, “Does He like me?” the same way you are wondering “Does she like me?” when we actually have a crush or feel attracted to someone.

The truth is we are not perfect so why should we expect you to be?

Just be yourself and if we don’t actually like you for you then, it is not your fault at all. 

How not to be nervous around a girl (Tips)
  1. Avoid trying it too hard to impress her

As Dan Bacon explains, “What a girl really wants to see when she interacts with you is that you’re confident enough to be your real self, while also focusing on making her feel confident and comfortable as well.”

If you believe you are not good enough then you will try too hard to impress her during a conversation being super nice or extra careful when you talk or express yourself.

The truth is that many women will notice you are trying too hard and will lose interest.

Relax, be yourself and let her get attracted to your personality!

How not to be nervous around a girl (Tips)
  1. Talk to her as if you were talking to one of your friends

Yes, the way you feel talking to a friend is completely different to how you feel when you talk to a cute girl or a girl you really feel attracted to.

However, notice how relaxed you are when talking to a girl friend that you are not really attracted to, how the conversation flows, how you are able to have fun.

If you can do the same thing by forgetting she is so beautiful and perfect then you will notice how it is not that different.

You may even notice how you start making jokes and start to have fun!

  1. Give her a compliment and ask her questions!

Who doesn’t like to get compliments? It really doesn’t have to be something physical, it can also be about something she did (e.g. her smile, sense of humour, how nice her hair looks, etc.) but about being too personal, that will scare her away.

Once you have started a conversation with her, it is OK to ask her questions.

However, try not to interrogate her like a police officer (or being too deep at first), just ask her simple questions making her see you really care and you are interested. 

Why is this blog about how not to be nervous around a girl important?

How not to be nervous around a girl, as we have discussed, is not as difficult as you have thought.

Remember some key points such as how important it is to give yourself the value you deserve, stop overthinking and start doing more, avoid idealizing her as a perfect goddess (she is just human in the end), avoid trying too hard to impress her, talk to her as if it was one of your friends, give her compliment and ask her simple questions.

In addition, always remember to be yourself around her, remain calm, confident and surely she will start noticing. 

Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about how not to be nervous around a girl

How do I stop being anxious around girls?

To stop being anxious around girls you need to “stop overthinking and start doing”.

Our thoughts will trigger anxiety so instead act within the first 3 seconds so you don’t give your brain any time to start ruminating on why you shouldn’t approach or talk to a girl.

In addition,  you have to wear your “confident suit”, women love confident guys so you need to start thinking and believing that “you are good enough”.  

How can I stop being nervous around my crush?

To stop being nervous around your crush you can:

– Avoid talking to them “One on One” at first, so try to be in a group situation when you talk to your crush the very first time.

– Try to engage in a conversation through social media or text before actually having a conversation face to face.

This lets you get comfortable and find common ground. 

– Make a list of conversation starters. This will let you plan in advance what you can say to your crush to start a conversation and actually keep it going, especially if you tend to freeze or blank when talking to your crush.

– Always remember to take deep breaths, this will actually help you reduce your anxiety and make you feel more relaxed and calm.  

How do you not get nervous when asking a girl out?

Getting nervous when asking a girl out is very normal, girls also feel nervous when they want a guy to ask them out or when they make the first move to set up a date with the guy they like.

However, it is important to drop the fear of rejection and even if she says “no” doesn’t always mean she doesn’t like you (unless she was very clear about it), sometimes it is just bad timing.

In addition, know your worth so other people will treat you with the same worth and respect you deserve.

You can also use the shy card to your advantage, generally women like shy guys because they appear honest, and they show they really care.   

How can I attract my crush?

To attract your crush you need to start by taking deep breaths to calm yourself down.

Then you could try the 5-second stare (and then look the other way) if you are a woman and just give her a big smile if you are a guy.

Body language is as important as communicating with words, so try flirting a bit with your eyes your smile and approaching without being too intimidating or invading the other person’s personal space.

This will prepare yourself to have a real conversation when the time comes.

How do you tell if a girl likes you?

This will give you an idea if a girl may be interested in you.

Here are some signs a girl might be attracted to you:

– Smiling at you. Remember that she could also smile at you because she is being polite.

– Shooting short glances your way. On many occasions girls will stare and then if you caught her staring at you will look the other way to make sure they are not that obvious.

– Darting her eyes away when you are looking at her.

– Making eye contact with you.

– Touching her hair and/or licking her lips.

– Exposing her neck and/or tilting her head towards you. 

Recommended reading

  • How to talk to girls Simplified – Free version: Why openers aren’t the solution
  • How To Confidently Ask Her Out: Appear Fearless Even When You’re Nervous, Anxious, or Afraid (get dates, what to say, how to say it, body language, ask girls out, ask women out) 
  • The Natural: How to effortlessly attract the women you want
  • How to Talk to Women: 101 Tips for Dating and Romance
  • How to Talk to Women: The Ultimate Guide to Approach Women with Kindness and Confidence

References 

Bacon, D. (n.d.) Nervous Around Girls? Here Are 5 Simple Ways to Fix it. Retrieved from Themodernman.com.

Cooper, S. (n.d.) Shy Around Girls? 3 Simple Steps To Overcome It. Retrieved from Shynesssocialanxiety.com. 

WikiHow.com: “How to Not Be Shy Around Girls”. 

How not to be nervous around a girl (Tips)

Daniela Paez

Daniela Paez is a Clinical Psychologist with an MSc. In Clinical Neuropsychology from Bangor University. She has vast experience in working with children with disabilities, adolescents and their families, in extreme conditions of poverty and vulnerability. Additionally, she owns a private practice where she provides neuropsychological evaluation for children and adults, and treatment for mood disorders, anxiety, couple therapy, among other conditions.