Gay rape stories (3+)

Gay rape stories
JuanitaHFNE

Juanita Agboola is the editor in chief of HFNE and an expert in mental health online. She has been writing about online behaviour, mental health and psychology issues since 2012. All Guides are reviewed by our editorial team which constitutes various clinical psychologists, PhD and PsyD colleagues.

Gay rape stories – A guide to get to know the gay rape stories told by others.

Gay rape stories (3+)

In this guide, we will learn about the gay rapes stories expressed by themselves and the effects that these rapes had on the lives of each of these people.

Gay rape stories

A person can be exposed at any time to any type of violence, one of these is rape. A person when raped not only suffers physically but emotionally. It is easier for a person to erase that mark or wound resulting from rape, but it is more difficult to eliminate that traumatic moment from their mind.

Over the years, various personalities from any field have expressed having been victims of rape. These stories are told to inspire others and not to remain silent when someone is the product of a violation. A person may indeed feel fear at the time of the rape and after the act, so it does not decide to speak, but it is better to speak and not suffer as a quiet victim.

A person, although it understands that its story may benefit others, has a hard time talking about the traumatic event due to the effects it caused on his person. A person experiencing such a situation is prone to develop posttraumatic stress, changing the dynamics of their lifestyle.

But other people have been able to have the strength and talk about how their experience was when experiencing a rape attack. These stories are not about a woman who was raped by a man since she is one of the most common, but about gay rapes. These are gay rape stories.

To talk about gay rape stories is to show that gay people not only suffer from the fact of seeking a more just and equal society in terms of their rights but that they are also people, who, like a heterosexual, go through difficult situations such as that of a violation.

Among these gay rape stories, there is a lot of pain, sadness, hate and despair. Each of these rape victims expresses how difficult his life was and how rape was part of it. But these stories, apart from being sad, have a happy ending. Each person who told his story expresses that life goes on, even with its ups and downs.

Gay rape stories (3+)

Raymond Rodríguez – My Gay Story

One of the first gay rape stories is the story of Raymond Rodriguez. Raymond recounts how his life was and the beginning of a rape that marked his life.

When I was really young I was bullied a lot, it wasn’t by people at school thou. It was by my brothers and sisters. They called me many names and at first if just brush it off and laugh with them. But after a while, I started to believe what they would say to me. I thought I was stupid, ugly, a bad dresser, dirty, and a few others. When I was about 7 years old, I was raped by my older sister’s husband’s 15-year-old son. Only two people know about it, one is my youngest big sister Krystal, and the other is my nephew Gabriel. When I was raped I didn’t really know what was going on. All I knew was that it hurt. No one ever found out but once my youngest older brother saw my rapist making me touch him in his places. My brother didn’t tell anyone, he made fun of me. He called me gay and fag, I didn’t think anything of it because I didn’t know what those words meant. When I was 8 I was put into foster care, most of the homes I was put in were great. All except one. Now, this home was horrible, not only because of the people but also because of the school. I was bullied relentlessly at school. And it wasn’t only emotional abuse. The kids would like to hit me, they said it’s because my parents didn’t want me. I hated that school.

The home life was another horrible place for me. The mom barely fed me and the other kids ignored me. The father raped me. By this time, I knew that rape was bad, I cried and told him I would tell someone, and he hit me and threatened my life. He said he’d kill me and I wouldn’t see any if my family again. He raped at least once a weak from then to about another two months, when my dad got me out of foster care. No one knows about that. I haven’t told anyone because I doubt anyone would care about something that happened so long ago. Well, when I started living with my dad it was great. My dad loved me and my stepmom was the sweetest woman in the world.

By the time I got into 7th grade, the bullying started again. People calling me ugly and gay/fag. It didn’t stop until just recently when I moved to another city. (By 6th grade I knew I was gay) while I was being bullied in the 7th grade I fell into depression. I started cutting and making myself throw up, I burnt myself a lot and I shut everyone out. Apparently, no one noticed my depression, no one noticed my sadness. I felt alone.

 Recently I got into a relationship with someone who’s demons match mine (or so he says) but this boy kept me from attempting to commit suicide. He made me smile and laugh. He brought out happiness in me that I thought I lost. However recently he started to stop talking to me and he fulls out ignoring me. A few nights ago I was texting him and he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for someone else It said “I fully understand that we aren’t the most comfortable talking like this, our humour defence mechanism kicks in so we don’t sound stupid. But let me fucking tell you before I fuck it up that I love you so much and I can only imagine myself loving you more as you love yourself more. Sorry for lengthy texts lmao fucking dork” then he said “oh f$Ck wrong person” I asked him who it was and he said it was his sister because she was sad about her exams… I knew he was lying and I can’t help but think that he is cheating on me. At this thought, I knew I wasn’t good enough for him. I’m not good enough for anyone. I cut myself 30 times in all. 17 in my left arm and 13 on my right thigh. I don’t see how my life can get any worse but I’m still here. I don’t plan on leaving for anyone. If I can get through all of the stuff I’ve been through then I’m pretty sure you can too. I know we all feel different but your not alone. Stay strong and be happy (I just wanted to share my story with someone.

The intersection between raised Mormon and being gay, but also being a survivor – Isaac Andrade

Another of the gay rape stories mentioned is that of Isaac. Young Andrade not only had to deal with the difficult situation of expressing his sexuality to his parents but also with a violation.

By the age of 13, Isaac was ready to come out, to begin exploring what it meant to be gay. But that kind of exploration often leaves a 13-year-old boy very vulnerable. Isaac was soon “dating” a man who was a decade older than him. Only much later did he begin to see the coercion and abuse that was intrinsic to this “relationship.”

But that was not the only trauma he endured at 13. One night he snuck out of his home and went with some friends to a party on a nearby college campus. Late in the evening, and alone upstairs, he was ambushed by someone who physically restrained him and raped him.

Isaac swore himself to secrecy. But burying a rape is not possible. So Isaac found help in alcohol. “I thought that was the best way to cope with it, because I couldn’t tell anyone. I had made that decision.” For a while, Isaac coped. Gradually, depression seeped in, and Isaac began a long sequence of treatments. But the secret remained.

It was a violent fight with his step-father that finally released the secret. Man-handled into helplessness while being verbally abused, the rape came flooding back. Isaac became suicidal.

Isaac’s journey back from that precipice has been helped by many people, including a nurse who quietly disclosed her own sexual victimization, and gave him a crucial spark of hope. With the help of others and his own perseverance, Isaac has emerged from trauma with a resilient core and a magnetic smile. Now a junior in college, he is pre-med and looking forward to a career in medicine.

My rapist told me “all gay men are the same” – Jordy Deelight

Jordy Deelight told the BBC about his story of rape. John’s story is another of the gay rape stories mentioned in this article.

John said in the article that his attack happened in 2013. He was invited to a party at the University of Edinburgh. He studied at Queen Margaret University and did not know anyone.

“There was a man about the same age as me – he and I were the only people at the party who were openly LGBT,” he said.

“I hadn’t had a massive amount of experience as a gay man, I was quite shy – and this guy asked me to his room for a drink.

“We went round the corner to his flat and started fooling around, but then I said I didn’t feel comfortable and I felt drunk.”

‘He was trying to make me say yes’

Jordy said they went to sleep, but some time later he woke up and realised the man was raping him.

He continued: “I said to him ‘this isn’t ok’. He eventually stopped and started shouting at me saying all gay men were the same.

“I just took that as a way of him trying to make me say yes because all gay men may have said no to him.

“I went home and burst into tears. I told a friend about it but then wrote it off – I didn’t want to think about it.

“I wasn’t told how consent works in the LGBT community and felt very much like all gay men are like that. Once I got more partners I realised what happened to me wasn’t right.”

Because the attack did not happen at his own university, Jordy dismissed the idea of alerting any campus officials to the attack.

But he also said his lack of understanding on consent and experience in relationships put him off speaking to police.

Two years later Jordy created his drag persona – which the BBC has chosen to use in place of his surname.

The attack was not the reason he became a performer, but telling his story through drag was a way to separate himself from the trauma.

“People expect drag to be commercial and camp rather than about serious issues,” he said

‘Make sure you know what consent is’

“I was going to counselling weekly because of it [the attack] and all these women were coming forward as part of the #MeToo movement.

“So I created a show about my experience and used it to liberate myself from what happened to me – that was the starting point of not being a victim and ignoring what happened.”

On top of drag, DJing and teaching drama, Jordy is now a master’s student at the University of Edinburgh.

He says it was nearly impossible to return to the university – the scene of his attack in 2013 – but he continues to manage his trauma with counselling and performance art.

He said: “University is a fantastic exciting time and Fresher’s is one of those big moments where you meet some of your best friends.

“But make sure you know what consent is and make sure you’ve got a lot of support around you.

“You are never in the wrong by saying ‘no’.”

The statistic about sexual violence

Around the world, there are many people who are victims of rape. In places like England and Wales, according to the Rape Crisis website, the statistics presented in the year to the end of March 2017, the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) estimated:

  • 20% of women and 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, equivalent to 3.4 million female and 631,000 male victims
  • 3.1% of women (510,000) and 0.8% of men (138,000) aged 16 to 59 had experienced a sexual assault in the last year. 

In January 2013, An Overview of Sexual Offending in England and Wales, the first-ever joint official statistics bulletin on sexual violence released by the Ministry of Justice (MoJ), Office for National Statistics (ONS) and Home Office, revealed:

  • Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men (aged 16 – 59) experience rape, attempted rape or sexual assault by penetration in England and Wales alone every year; that’s roughly 11 of the most serious sexual offences (of adults alone) every hour. 
  • Only around 15% of those who experience sexual violence report to the police
  • Approximately 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence
  • 31% of young women aged 18-24 report having experienced sexual abuse in childhood (NSPCC, 2011) 
  • Most women in the UK do not have access to a Rape Crisis Centre (Map of Gaps, 2007)
  • A third of people believe women who flirt are partially responsible for being raped (Amnesty, 2005)
  • Conviction rates for rape are far lower than other crimes, with only 5.7% of reported rape cases ending in a conviction for the perpetrator. (Kelly, Lovett and Regan, A gap or a chasm? Attrition in reported rape cases, 2005)
Gay rape stories (3+)

Actions to take when someone is rape

A person who suffers a violation is a fact that changes its life. If you know someone who has been raped, the best thing you can do is accompany that person and make it understand that it was not his fault. The person who was raped believes that one way or another was to blame for the incident.

Talking to the person about the possibilities they have to forget the traumatic event is another action that can be performed. The violated person can resort to seeking help from a psychologist to be able to leave this episode behind. It is important to accompany the person who suffered the abuse in these difficult times they are going through. Reporting the fact is something that should not be left behind. There are people who, out of fear, decide to remain silent, but if it is not spoken, the event will continue to occur. You have to express to the person who was abused that you have to make the formal complaint.

If you have been rape, these actions you must also contemplate it. Don’t let the guilt want to peek into your mind and make yourself believe that it was all your fault when it wasn’t. Let the people around you give you their support and do not remain silent about the fact.

Gay rape stories (3+)

FAQs about Gay rape stories

Is a person who was raped because it wanted to?

No, a person who was raped did not want this to happen. A violation is an act of having sex without the other person’s consent.

Is it right for a person to remain silent after being raped?

No, the person must talk about the event that occurred. If you don’t speak, you run the risk that the event will continue to occur.

What can a person do if they are afraid to talk about rape?

If the person is afraid it is important to provide support and make them feel safe. It is normal to feel fear after having suffered this type of act.

Is a person who is gay more likely to be raped?

No, a person can be raped without considering their sexual preference.

How can it help a person tell its story of abuse?

The story of a person who has been raped can help others know how this type of act can occur and take precautions.


Conclusion

A person, regardless of sexual preference, sex or socioeconomic status should not suffer abuse by any other person. Many people who are abused decide to remain silent because of the threats they receive from their abuser or because they believe that no one will believe them. Between fear and despair, they decide to remain silent and suffer the consequences of the act.

A person who suffers a violation should raise its voice and seek help. Various media offer solutions for this type of act. It is brave to be able to talk about your story and that it can serve as an example of whether you can get ahead after suffering a violation. Each of the gay rape stories mentioned above expresses the pain and fear that people experienced when they were raped and how their life changed. It is not fair for a person to have to go through this.

Although difficult, talking about the problem helps to improve it. A person should not suffer alone. There are several support networks, both physical and virtual, that will be useful to the person in this process as difficult as it is to suffer a violation.

Gay rape stories (3+)

Recommended links

  1. What We Talk about When We Talk about Rape
  2. The Story of Jane Doe: A Book about Rape
  3. Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault

References about gay rape stories  

  1. My rapist told me “all gay men are the same”
  2. The intersection between being raised Mormon and being gay, but also being a survivor
  3. My Gay Story
  4. About sexual violence     

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