Feeling like a failure? (Remember this!)

Feeling like a failure

In this blog post, we talk about what it feels like to be a failure. I also give you some recommendations on things you can change today for a better tomorrow. 

What does it mean to feel like a failure?

We all know that day. The day when you feel that nothing is going well for you, when you feel small, when you feel that you have failed.

That you are not a good parent, a good husband or wife, that you missed your career, that what you want will never come true.

That day when you are having a conversation with yourself in which you constantly criticize yourself, and a day when the regrets of the past or moments when you were criticized by others come to mind (and you agree with them).

That day when you feel that you are sinking into an abyss and that whatever you do, you fail to recover.

Feeling like a failure? (Remember this!)

What to do about it?

First, accept the way you feel. It’s ok to feel that way sometimes, even if everyone tells you to think positively.

It is good to let these feelings come to the surface, not to bury them deep inside. But keep hope that you will be better tomorrow or in a couple of days.

This is a very important moment when you have to show compassion and love yourself because on such days you need it most.

Often self-love is confused with selfishness or narcissism. That’s because many people don’t actually know what self-love really means.

To love yourself means to accept your differences, without any judgment.

Like everyone else, you have fears, you have weaknesses, you have limits. It means that you accept that you are human.

To love yourself means to learn from every experience, good or bad, without condemning yourself.

Without criticizing yourself. Without telling yourself that you are good for nothing.

To love yourself means to listen to your needs, even if others advise you to do otherwise, it means not to have exaggerated expectations from yourself.

Know that at the end of the day you gave everything you could and that’s enough.

You are the only person responsible for your well-being, no one can take care of your happiness.

I hope you can find acceptance on your part.

I hope you find kindness that will be enough to silence the voice in your head that always tells you that you are not good enough or that tells you that you will always fail in what you do.

I hope you will forgive yourself for the mistakes you made, for the past.  

I hope you will learn that if you leave the past behind you will be able to heal, to evolve, to grow.

You are doing your best. You are a human being.

Never forget this.

Even if you think that today you have nothing to enjoy, be grateful that you can see the beauty of the world, that you can hear the sounds of life, that you can get out of bed every day.

It doesn’t matter what it was yesterday, because every day is a new chance to start over. Do things differently. Change something. Make someone smile.

It’s a new day when you’re free to make choices. To choose how you feel, to choose to say to someone “I love you”.

You build your life minute by minute through what you do.

It depends on you what your future will look like tomorrow, in a week, in a month or in 1 year. Not everyone has this privilege.

Enjoy your life more, enjoy the little things too, be more tolerant of your and others’ mistakes.

Life itself is a journey of your soul and it depends on you whether it is a pleasant or an unpleasant journey.

Feeling like a failure? (Remember this!)

Six thoughts that will help you find your way

You may feel like you are floating in a sea of boring, sad events, without direction, and you do not see a way out of this situation.

You should know that you are not alone. You are basically part of the largest group on this planet.

There are thousands and thousands of people who do not know what to do with their lives.

The first thing you need to understand: it is absolutely normal not to know. People do not appear in this world already knowing what their mission is.

Instead, they are born with many opportunities that can help them find their predestination. But the choice is difficult.

Life is always changing and so is the right choice. How do you find your direction, so that you finally understand what you want to achieve in this life?

We don’t have to know the future

We can only imagine our future, but we must not fall into the trap of our thoughts.

You do not know what awaits you: work, health, family, society – everything can change. Instead, you can do what brings you happiness in the present.

This way you can discover new personal abilities or new ways to be a happy person.

Accept the discomfort, to be truly happy

The road of life is seldom smooth and predictable. You may face problems like not having enough money or dealing with an emotional blockage.

You can’t avoid some blows of fate. But every time you experience such discomfort you learn more about yourself.

You manage to discover the right path to follow.

Get rid of distracting factors and stop postponing everything

Never forget that time is not waiting for anyone. You can set great goals, but you will not achieve them if you keep postponing their achievement.

Finding the perfect path is a difficult and complicated process. Focus on what you are good at and love to do.

Ask questions (as many as possible)

You can’t find out anything if you don’t ask questions. The big ones – about your activities, about priorities and goals, will help you get to know yourself better.

The little ones will help you to realize what you really want to do. 

Be ready to sacrifice something

Now you feel lost in space, you don’t know what to do. The road from what you are now to what you will reach in a few years is full of obstacles.

Sometimes you will have to give up people, things, some values that you consider a priority.

Open the door of possibilities 

You have to be ready for this. When life is ready to show you the way – don’t ignore it.

You may worry that now is not the right time, but you will never know when it is unless you try.

Feeling like a failure? (Remember this!)

What can you do today for a better tomorrow 

I have discovered that small changes are what make the difference in our lives and I recommend some of them to you.

I hope they’ll help you and you can put some of them into practice.

Appreciate what you already have (body, mind, relationships).  Reward yourself for exhausting work with your favourite food. Take a bath to relax and pamper your body.

Give yourself presents. Take care of your health. Your body has been with you in the most difficult situations, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get tiring, so don’t forget about it.

Appreciate your friends and family. You have something to learn from your loved ones and the moments with them strengthened you and made you who you are now.

Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.  These are the elements that will help you in self-development and achieving success.

There is nothing wrong with being imperfect. It is a mistake to believe that we cannot love ourselves unless we are perfect.

Look for opportunities and value them. Allow yourself to flourish, to be successful, to be happy through your actions.

Good things rarely come into your life without you doing something.

Whether you created your own path or learned and worked with people with the same ideals, your actions were the ones that brought you the opportunities in your life.

Don’t limit yourself, try new things. New things make you happy and motivate you. Life is a rainbow, not just black and white.

Learn and better yourself. It is never too late to learn new things, to take it from the beginning, to change your career, etc. Nothing is nailed down. Life is the way you want it to be, so choose.

Life is constantly changing and transforming. When you are a child you can play, when you are young you fall in love,  when you are an adult you work for a great goal, when you are old you enjoy the moments with your family. You laughed, you cried, you lost, you won, you learned, you forgot, life is fluid, so be happy and appreciate every experience that makes you who you are. 

When you have lost something or someone, think about what that thing or that person left you with. When you leave someone behind, think about whether you meant something beautiful, useful, important, loved for that person. 

Sometimes we can get stuck on the things or people we left behind: maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend we broke up with, grandparents who stopped living, etc.

They all left a mark on your life. 

It’s not easy to leave someone behind. But it helps to think about the beautiful things that those people brought to you or what you offered to those people.

Communicate more.  Give thanks for any energy exchange, appreciate when you see something you like, ask for help when you need it most. 

Feeling like a failure? (Remember this!)

Things to remember when you are feeling like a failure

Remember that you are human, that you are allowed to make mistakes. Remember that life is not linear, more like a curve, with ups and downs.

In this blog post, we talked about what it feels like to be a failure. I also gave you some recommendations on things you can change today for a better tomorrow. 

Reread them as often as needed.

Please feel free to leave any comments or questions you may have in the comments section below. 

FAQ about feeling like a failure

How do you stop thinking you’re a failure?

To stop thinking you are a failure, you have to respect and love yourself more.

Understand that we all make mistakes from time to time, some of these mistakes can seem catastrophic. .

But, in time, everything has a solution.

What to do if you’re a failure?

If you are seeing yourself as a consistently failing, perhaps you want to try doing things differently than you are doing them now.

You can’t do things the same way but expect a different result.  Also, work on your perception of what success is. 

Why does failure hurt so much?

Failure hurts because of our expectations. We all have high expectations of others, of how things should work, and of course of ourselves.

When these expectations are not met, it hurts.

The solution is to have expectations as realistic as possible.

What is considered a failure in life?

For everyone, failure in life can mean something different. For some, it means not succeeding in their career, for others the fact that they do not have children, enough friends, money, etc.

What is an example of failure?

There can be many examples of failure, and it depends on everyone’s vision of what success means.

For example, for someone, the fact that he failed to travel enough may be seen as a disaster, and for someone else the fact that he was not promoted …

Are mistakes failures?

No, mistakes are not failures. It is absolutely normal to make mistakes. In fact, it is actually very good when we do it.

From mistakes, we learn the most valuable lessons. Even if it doesn’t seem like it now, think about your past, and the fact that maybe you would not be here today living the life that you are, if you did not make certain mistakes in the past.

Further reading

  1. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
  2. Losers Like Us: Redefining Discipleship after Epic Failure
  3. This Book Could Help: The Men’s Head Space Manual
  4. The Imposter Cure: Escape the Mind-Trap of Imposter Syndrome
  5. Confessions of a Failed Perfectionist: How to get over self-hate, self-sabotage and feeling like a failure

References

How to feel good, by Tricia Mangan

Learning to feel good, and stay cool, by Judith M. Glasser

Feeling like a failure? (Remember this!)

Nadejda Romanciuc

Nadejda Romanciuc holds a Bachelor’s degree in psychology and a diploma in Addiction studies. She is part of the Romanian Association of Integrative Psychotherapy as a psychotherapist under supervision. She's practicing online counselling for over two years and is a strong advocate for mental health.