Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

Enneagram type 9 childhood

In this blog post, we will talk about the Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model. We give you a few examples of type 9s and their personal stories, in order to understand better the type 9 in adulthood. 

Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

The model of childhood that is described here does not determine the typology of a person. Instead, it describes the trends observable in early childhood, which have a strong impact on adult relationships.

As a child, the young type 9 learned to cope by dissociating themselves from threatening or traumatic events around them, taking on the role of Peacemaker or Mediator in family conflicts. They learned that the best way to maintain harmony in the family is to “disappear” and not bother anyone. 

Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

They have learned that if they don’t ask for anything and don’t have too many expectations – in short, if they are easy-going children – they can protect themselves, thus calming both moms and dads. (In a dysfunctional family system, the term that applies to this case is “lost child”). 

Their feeling is that “If they show up and tell me their opinion, I will create even more problems, so if I go unnoticed and don’t bother anyone, the family will stay together.

Georgia, a well-known therapist, has been working on inner transformation and development for many years.

My mother was an alcoholic and very temperamental, so much of my childhood energy was used to keep her out of her way and not bother her. I learned to stand aside, alive, to accommodate the needs of others. I was afraid that I would not be loved by anyone if I were assertive and self-imposed. I chose to live an inner life, which was very beneficial for me, it kept me out of contact with others.

Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

Those of the Nine types grew up convinced that they were not allowed to have needs, to impose themselves, to get angry, to make it difficult for their parents. As a result, they do not know how to be assertive enough and to assert themselves independently of their parents or other important people in their lives. They learned to live in the background, behind the scenes, where nothing can touch them. 

As adults, their minds are so full of the needs and plans of those they try to conform to that they are often unable to hear the voice of their own needs and desires.

They also learned to suppress their anger or will so much that they became unaware that they had such feelings. They are used to complying with whatever life or people around them brings. It has seldom happened to them to ask what they want, what they think, what they really feel.

Therefore, in-depth surveys are needed to arrive at the answers to these questions. Red spent years facing the problem of repressed anger and humiliation:

I feel very clear that I was always left alone because I was such a good boy. My mother always tells others that I was an angel because she could leave me alone for hours and I had fun alone. I think Mom is the Nine type, and I took over a lot from her philosophy of life … 

When there were conflicts between her and my father, she always used expressions that did not shake the boat and if you don’t have something nice to say, you better not say anything. 

Another favourite expression of hers was for a dance it takes two, which was her way of telling me that I could end a conflict by refusing to participate in it.

In very dysfunctional families, young 9 may have been physically, emotionally, or even sexually traumatized. They learn to protect themselves from intolerable feelings by dissociation or closure. 

On the one hand, it may be a blessing that they are unaware of their traumatic memories or their hidden anger, but on the other hand, this results in the inhibition of their ability to allow themselves to be touched, deeply and intensely by the surrounding reality.

Such people may get lost in their own fantasies or live almost exclusively based on what is peaceful and positive in their environment – even if it later turns out to be just illusions.

Andre is a successful real estate agent is an important metropolitan area. Much of its success is due to its natural and uninvolved nature, common features of the Nine type, but acquired at a very expensive price.

My mother was depressed most of my childhood. I knew I would be safer the more I didn’t stand in their way, so I tried to comply as much as possible and get lost.

as much as possible. I was escaping to my grandmother’s garden, where I liked tall trees and her collection of animals.

Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

Type 9 – The peacemaker

Basic fear – of loss and separation, of annihilation

Basic desire – to maintain inner stability and peace of mind

• The message of the superego – You are fine as long as those around you

yours are fine.

“I get carried away by the wave”

Calm, withdrawn, erased type: receptive, pleasant, complacent, the Peacemaker, more than any other type of personality, is devoted to finding inner and outer peace for both himself and those around him. 

They are often spiritual seekers, with a burning desire to be connected to the universe as well as to other people. They strive to maintain their inner peace, as well as the peace and harmony of the environment around them.

 The problems encountered in the Nine types are fundamental to the whole work of inner transformation: awakening vs. admonition to true nature, presence vs. trance, tension vs. relaxation, peace vs. pain, union vs. separation.

As an irony of fate, this type of personality so oriented towards spiritual work is the centre of the Instinctive Triad and probably the most ingrained type in the physical world and in one’s own physical body. 

The contradiction is elucidated if we realize that this guy is either in very close connection with his instinctive virtues and has great elemental power and personal magnetism, or they are separated from instinctual power and can be withdrawn, disconnected from the real world.

When their energy is not used, it stagnates like a spring lake supersaturated with water, which prevents the flow of the springs that supply it. On the other hand, if their energies are balanced and are connected to their instinctual centre, they are like a great evil, which carries everything with it, without any effort.

Paradoxically, the only person type 9 don’t look like is themself. To have individuality, to assert yourself in relation to others, is a very frightening idea for Nine. He would rather merge with another person, or follow his own dreams in silence.

People of the lower Nine use spirituality to defend a kind of fatalism, to accept negative or loss-provoking situations as if they could do nothing about it. They even reject their own intuitions, valid reasoning, sensory perceptions, personal experiences, or professional skills in order to cling to what they want to believe to be true. 

As if he could ignore his internal alarms, he would worry about the consequences for themselves or others. He resigns too early and tries to convince himself (and those around him) not to worry. Eventually, the guardian angels will take care of everything.

The 9 have a similar psychic mechanism that causes them to delay spiritual awakening.

The harder they press around them to wake up and react, the more they retreat to the sanctuary. They want to “get rid of the hassle” so that they comply, agreeing to pay any price for peace.

Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

Conclusions

In this blog post, we talked about the Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model. We also gave you a few examples of type 9s and their personal stories, in order to understand better the type 9 in adulthood. 

As a child, the young type 9 learned to cope by dissociating themselves from threatening or traumatic events around them, taking on the role of Peacemaker or Mediator in family conflicts. They learned that the best way to maintain harmony in the family is to “disappear” and not bother anyone. 

Such people may get lost in their own fantasies or live almost exclusively based on what is peaceful and positive in their environment – even if it later turns out to be just illusions.

If you have any questions or comments, please let us know in the comments section!

FAQ about the Enneagram type 9 childhood

What does an Enneagram 9 go to in stress?

When an Enneagram 9 is stressed, they fall into a deep apathy about their lives and can become sluggish, erased and unproductive. They end up being “chronic couch vegetables”, emotionally closed and slowly wasting their health, relationships and possibilities. Addictions are common.

Are Enneagram 9s introverts?

Some Enneagram 9s are introverts. They are kind-hearted, calm and supportive, but they are too willing to please others just to avoid scandal. They want life to unfold in conflict, tending to indulge in any situation and minimize any disturbance that occurs. 

What does a healthy Enneagram 9 look like?

Enneagram type 9 people are welcoming, stable, trustworthy. They are kind-hearted, calm and supportive, but they are too willing to please others just to avoid scandal. They do not want life to unfold in conflict, tending to indulge in any situation and minimize any disturbance that occurs.

What’s it like to be a 9 Enneagram?

A type 9 Enneagram is calm, withdrawn, erased type: receptive, pleasant, complacent, the Peacemaker, more than any other type of personality, is devoted to finding inner and outer peace for both himself and those around him. 

How do you comfort an Enneagram 9?

To comfort an Enneagram 9 you should give them attention and ask them to cooperate and get involved. Help them become comfortable and trust you.

How do you motivate an Enneagram 9?

To motivate an Enneagram 9, convince them to get involved, make them see why they have to put in the effort and the benefits of changing the situation.

Further reading 

The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types, by Don Richard Riso 

Enneagram Self-Discovery: Understand Personality Types to Enhance Your Spiritual Growth & Build Healthy Relationships, by Elliot Hudson 

The Enneagram Of Personality: Why Discovering Your Unique Personality Type Is Essential For Your Personal Growth, by Arthur Canfield 

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery (The Road Back to You Set), by Ian Morgan Cron

The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth, by Christopher L. Heuertz  

References

The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types, by Don Richard Riso 

Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery, by Don Richard Riso, Russ Hudson

Understanding the Enneagram: The Practical Guide to Personality Types, by Don Richard Riso, Russ Hudson

Enneagrampaths.com

Enneagram type 9 childhood behavioural model

Daniela Paez

Daniela Paez is a Clinical Psychologist with an MSc. In Clinical Neuropsychology from Bangor University. She has vast experience in working with children with disabilities, adolescents and their families, in extreme conditions of poverty and vulnerability. Additionally, she owns a private practice where she provides neuropsychological evaluation for children and adults, and treatment for mood disorders, anxiety, couple therapy, among other conditions.